My Love
by Thewayshelooksatme
Summary: "She is my goddess, I am her servant, and I will be at her beck and call for as long as she'll have me." Emily and JJ have an arrangement, when one feels too overwhelmed with life, the other brings some much needed relief, which slowly evolves into love. M for mature themes. Working title. Chapter lengths vary.
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys! So this is chapter two. I go to school four days a week and most of my time/energy is focused on that so this story will be updated sporadically. I'll try and update it hopefully once a week. I write whenever I can, but we all know how life can be!

I wanted to go back and tell the story of how the two women got started in everything, so this is my take on it. I plan on continuing until the story catches up to the first chapter, but if you guys would rather me go even further back into the start of the story I will try my best to do that and rearrange the chapters later on. I hope you guys like this chapter! Let me know what you think and what you think should happen in future chapters.

I don't own Criminal Minds or anything related to it, but the ideas the characters go through are mine.

Emily drove the black SUV expertly. She had to argue with JJ about driving before they even got off the plane and finally won when she said the mental activity would wake her up after the quiet plane ride. She was following behind Morgan and Reid with Hotch and Rossi in the car behind them. These were no brainer decisions, each duo working together perfectly in order to come up with ideas as to why an unsub may be doing something. But this case was different, Garcia was only able to give basic information about each victim, considering how small the town is where the murders were located, they were still using paper records. This little blip in their normal routine made it so they discussed everything they could already on the flight over, which now resulted in somewhat silent car rides.

It was in the middle of June, smack dab in the center of Arizona. They didn't even have to be out of the car to feel the heat radiating through the metal, sweating as the AC blew on full blast. JJ had already put her hair up to try and cool down some, letting her neck breathe as Emily carefully wiggled out of her coat jacket, still managing to keep one hand on the wheel as she did so. As the older woman threw her jacket haphazardly onto the back seat, the blonde fiddled with the radio, getting only static. She turned it off with a sigh and looked out at the desert scenery. They had an hour left of their drive to the small town that held the stabbings.

The car was quiet, which didn't bother Emily as she was busy being break checked by Morgan every five miles, but she knew the blonde had something on her mind. The younger woman switched between staring out the window and playing with her phone, lifting up and around the car to get signal, sighing frustratingly every time, giving up and dropping the device in her lap. A minute later she would grab it again, starting the process over. Emily knew the younger woman well enough to know that something was seriously bothering JJ, but she didn't want to try and get her to open up just yet, so she left her to her routine.

Although, she figured she could try to get the blonde to laugh, ease the obvious tension her mind and body seemed to be in, so when Morgan yet again stepped on the brakes, she yelled. "God damnit, Morgan! Stop slamming on the brakes!"

There was a laugh pouring out of the intercom, one that could only belong to the cocky agent. "Hey, calm down Princess, I'm just trying to make sure the vehicle is up to code for us."

The brunette rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically before Hotch's voice appeared. "Morgan, stop messing with Prentiss before she rear ends you. Buying the Arizona PD new vehicles is not in the BAU budget."

There was another laugh, this time from Emily and Reid. "Yes, sir." Morgan replied, slapping Reid so an "ow" was heard throughout the raido.

When the younger woman didn't even let out a chuckle, Emily leaned over to mute the intercom, turning it down to lessen the chatter between the rest of the team, but still loud enough to hear if their names are said. "Do you want to talk about it?"  
JJ continued to stare out the window, but noticed the older woman turning off their communication with everyone. "Talk about what?" There was a defensiveness to her voice, one that Emily only knew as JJ being mad.

"Why you're so quiet and didn't even laugh when Morgan got yelled at by Hotch." She glanced over to the blonde, seeing her jaw set and fist clench. "You aren't upset about me driving are you? Because we can pull over and you can hop behind the wheel…"

JJ shook her head, putting her elbow on the door and leaned her head in her hand, eyes closed. "No, it's not about you driving."  
"Okay. Then, what is it?" She continued to glance over at the younger woman to keep gauging her body movements, just in case she might push too far and have to backtrack quickly.

The blonde lifted her head and lowered her hand to her mouth, absentmindedly biting the skin around her thumb nail. "It's nothing. It's stupid." She angrily talked around her thumb before dropping her hand back down into her lap and sighed frustratingly again.

"It's not stupid if it's bothering you." JJ swung her head to look at the brunette, eyebrow raised. "I'm serious, Jay. If it's bothering you it's not stupid."

"What's bothering who?" Rossi said over the chatter of Morgan and Reid arguing over something.

"Girl stuff." Emily was quick to say, seeing the younger woman's eyes go wide at the fact they could hear them. "I thought I turned the voice part off Reid which button do I hit?"

"The second one on the right, but why would you-"

"Got it." She clicked the button and the green light for the voice receiver shut off, signaling that they were now, officially, free of being heard. "You don't have to tell me what's going on, but I'm here if you wanna talk, and none of the boys or Garcia will be listening in."

JJ faced forward, thinking. She took a few minutes to stare at the bumper of the car in front of them before opening her mouth, just to shut it again and stare for another two minutes. "Will and I broke up."

The blonde had said it so quietly, Emily wasn't sure she heard the younger woman say anything at all. "You guys broke up?"

JJ shifted in her seat, pulling on the seat belt to loosen it as she cleared her throat. "Well, he broke up with me, but yes."

Emily could feel her heart breaking for the younger woman. Even though she had never been a big fan of Will, she supported them because she knew he made JJ happy. But now, to see how he had recently just hurt her best friend, she was feeling the red-hot anger from not being able to protect the blonde from it all. "Jay, I'm so sorry." She tried to sound as sincere as possible, keeping her anger in check until she could unleash it out at the gym. If the small town they were going to even had a gym. "When did this happen?"

"Yesterday." She said flatly, looking down at her lap, playing with her phone, turning it over and over in her hand as if she was afraid of staying completely still. Emily glanced over at the younger woman, then back up to the car in front of her, watching Reid's shadow point out random things to Morgan. All she could notice were the crazy amount of cacti peppering the side of the road and went on as far as you could see before everything blurred together in the horizon.

"I'm really sorry, Jay. When we get home we are ordering the biggest pizza, getting tons of ice cream and all the alcohol you want and all that stuff. We'll even get Garcia and we will have a girls night." She knew she was rambling, JJ now fiddling with the AC, moving it so it blew on her face, but she didn't know what else to say other than she wanted to kill Will, but she figured the blonde didn't want to hear that just yet.

"That's the thing. I…" JJ bit her lip, trying to process what she was going to say, unsure how it would sound. "I don't really need to eat a ton of ice cream and wallow."

Emily felt confused. She knew that a normal girl would want to eat ice cream and wallow after going through a break up, and just because the members of the BAU came face to face with death didn't mean they were emotionally stunted. "Why?"

The blonde was silent again, turning her attention back to the desert outside. Her eyes darted from cactus to cactus, curious as to why anyone would want to live in such a dry, hot place. And after ten minutes of the younger woman watching the horizon, Emily assumed the conversation was over, Until JJ spoke up again, her voice flat and unemotional.

"I was going to call you yesterday, before he ended it, to talk about me breaking up with him. But… he beat me to it."

Now it was Emily's turn to be silent. Over the last year or so of JJ and Will bring together, the younger woman didn't show any signs of being unhappy. Quite the opposite actually, she smiled so large her eyes would wrinkle whenever his name was brought up. She couldn't come up with any reason as to why JJ would suddenly feel different about her relationship.

"Wait, why? He didn't…" She cleared her throat, swerving on the road slightly to avoid running over a dead animal. She lifted her back off the seat to let her sweat soaked shirt feel some cool air, just to lean back down and reach her hand to adjust her own air vent. "He didn't cheat on you, did he?"

The blonde shook her head, allowing the brunette to release the breath she didn't know she was holding. "I just, I don't know… It didn't feel right anymore."

"Why didn't you say something earlier?" Emily's voice was almost sad, hurt even. It was as if she was upset that JJ didn't include her on what was going through her mind that was obviously troubling her for awhile.

"Didn't want to make my relationship something everyone would profile. Plus, I didn't really know if I was serious about wanting to end things or if I was just nervous about how serious everything had gotten." She started waving her hand about, emphasizing each point she was trying to make with a jab into the air. "And then he said the thing he said and I just knew it wasn't right and I got mad but before I could say anything, he said it and now here I am, in the middle of Arizona, single, and I'm not even that upset about it. At least, not as upset as I think I should be."

Emily tried to keep up with JJ's rambling, but got stuck on one thing she had mentioned. "What did he say that made you so angry?"

JJ bit her lip, looking back down at her lap. "Just, something. He used it as his reason for breaking up, but whatever."

The brunette knew she could push the younger woman one more time until she completely shut down. "Jay, what did he say?"

"I don't want to talk about it." She turned the intercom back on, signaling the end of the conversation.

Emily just nodded, respecting her wishes. But when the blonde put her hand on top of the center console, she carefully slid her hand into JJ's, squeezing it. The younger woman gave her a small smile when they made eye contact, showing Emily she appreciated the silent support. And much to the older woman's surprise, JJ squeezed her hand back when she went to pull away, keeping their hands together on top of the console for the rest of the journey.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Garcia had only been able to get the team four rooms, which means the two women were bunking together along with Reid and Morgan. Whereas the two boss men, Hotch and Rossi, got their own separate rooms. The four of the roomies didn't mind, knowing Hotch and Rossi were the most experienced and basically ran the team, they deserved their own separate rooms. Plus, JJ and Emily were used to having to share a room, being the only women on the team, whenever the situation arose where they had a limited number of sleeping areas, they threw themselves together, making it easy on the team.

They entered the room to only find one bed in the center of the back wall with two night stands on either side. There was a small table with two comfortable looking faded wooden chairs in the corner and a dresser looking object with a small tv perched on top. The walls were a dull yellow that clashed with the worn lavender carpet and the blue and white zigzag curtains that barely covered the length of the window. There were random giant daisies posted throughout the room, the edges starting to peel off and turn a gross brownish color.

"Well, it has… character." JJ said, shrugging as she looked around the room with a slightly disgusted look on her face.

"I don't care what it looks like as long as it has an air conditioner and doesn't smell like dirt." The brunette closed the door as she walked to the right side of the full size bed, claiming her side for the next few days. She dropped her go-bag on the bed, pleased to see that the bed, although covered in a floral daisy comforter, seemed to keep its shape under the weight of the bag. She secretly hoped it would be comfortable enough to get some sleep in this overly hot desert town.

The younger woman put her bag on the other side of the piece of furniture, laughing. It might have seemed twisted, but the act of talking about the case and investigating leads had managed to clear her mind of Will and everything that happened with him. At least for the time being. But, it also didn't hurt that Emily was doing her best to make her laugh. "Still got sad in your clothes?"

Emily and JJ had taken Morgan with them to the first crime scene that happened to be located just outside town. The body was found on to of a sand hill, and when the three agents arrived, Morgan had gently shoved Emily, making her slip on a rock. The trip resulted in her tumbling down the hill, and when she finally stopped rolling, she sat on the dir for a few minutes as she spit the sand out of her mouth. JJ tried to help her get as much of it off her clothes without the older woman stirpping, but she still felt some grains rubbing against her skin. Morgan, on the other hand, was laughing so hard he nearly lost his footing and almost slipped down with her, but instead he promised to buy her lunch for a week in order to get his karma balance restored.

"No, I changed as soon as we got to the department and some nice intern took my clothes to get cleaned, so it will be interesting to see if I ever get those back." She unzipped her bag, pulling out her pajamas. They had had dinner as a team and Hotch decided to let them check into the hotel and get some sleep so they would be refreshed for tomorrow morning. "You want to take a shower first?"

JJ shook her head, waving the idea off. "No, you're the one who rolled in sand, you go get clean first."

"No, no. I'll probably end up getting sand everywhere so I was going to have housekeeping clean it tomorrow." The brunette shrugged, running a hand through her dirty hair and felt small grains of dirt, making a disgusted face as she detangled her fingers from the knots.

JJ snorted. "How much of a tip are you leaving?"

Emily knew she was teasing but rolled her eyes anyway. "To clean up my mess? A reasonable sized one." The two women laughed together, sending a bolt of electricity throughout Emily's body, something that happened whenever she heard the blonde laugh. But, she ignored the heart pounding feeling, nodding her head to the bathroom in the left corner. "Go, I'm going to see if I can get that ancient tv to work."

JJ gathered her things, slipping into the bathroom as the older woman found the remote to the tv. Once inside, she finally allowed herself to think about what had happened in the car, why she felt so nervous to tell EMily that her relationship ended? And why had she refused to let go of her hand? Emily is her best friend, and it wasn't like breakups are weird or something, they occur all the time. Perhaps she was just worried. Worried that now Emily would be worried about her and want to keep a close eye on her in case she were to randomly break down in front of everyone. Worried that the rest of the team would find out before she was ready to tell them anything. Worried that maybe she should have fought harder for her relationship with Will.

But, deep down, as she rinsed the cheap hotel shampoo out of her hair, she knew everything she told herself didn't have any truth to it. She knew Emily wouldn't be worried about her unless given a real reason to worry. With the team, even if they did find out, they wouldn't bring it up unless they knew that she was ready to talk about it. And she especially knew that there was nothing for her in her relationship. What she told Emily in the car had been true, it didn't feel right anymore. There was something missing, and she couldn't figure out what it was.

As for the hand holding, that was simply her looking for comfort in her best friend that she knew Emily would understand. Sometimes you just can't be vocal about something that is bothering you, but still need support to know that you aren't going crazy. That's all it was. And the reaction her of her heart pounding wasn't butterflies or anything, it was just her hoping Emily would understand and allow her to just be in that silent moment with the comfort she so desperately needed. Or, this is what she tried to convince herself, anyway.

She slipped on her pajamas, having just realized the real reason she had this unsettling feeling of worry, and it was from fear that Will was right. Of course, as soon as that thought popped in her head she shoved it aside, taking the towel and rubbing it on her head not only to dry her hair, but to try and wipe away the idea that Will had caused about the brunette sitting on the bed in the other room.

When she opens the door, she finds the older woman sitting on the bed, using a paperclip to try and get the dirt out from underneath her nails. JJ ran a hand through her damp hair as she grabbed her phone charger and then picked up her bag and set it on the floor. "Find anything good?"

The brunette looked up at the tv showing someone chopping up carrots. "Just the food channel. Want me to turn it off?" She got up, grabbing the clothes next to her on the bed.

JJ shook her head, connecting her phone to the charger she plugged into the wall and pulled the covers back, climbing into them. "No, you can keep it on." She smiled at the brunette.

"Alright. I'm gonna go get this dirt off." She turned around as the blonde laid her head down on the pillow.

By the time Emily rid herself of the sad embedded in her hair, she walked out of the bathroom to find the blonde sleeping peacefully. She laughed quietly, grabbing the remote and switched off the tv before setting the alarm, shutting off the lights and crawling into bed alongside the younger woman. As soon as she relaxed, she felt JJ move, turning on her side to wrap an arm around the brunette's waist and nuzzled her face into her neck, still asleep. Emily was a little taken aback at first, it wasn't normal for the blonde to cuddle up next to her like this while she slept. Sure she had rested her head against Emily's shoulder during flights or while waiting for something in a conference room, but never something this intimate.

She didn't know what to think, between this and the hand holding in the car, Emily was starting to wonder if JJ really was okay. The younger woman had always been key on silent body contact to let the people around her know she cared, but something about this felt almost desperate. It was as if the blonde was trying to soothe an ache she didn't want to admit. It left Emily wondering even more about what Will had said, and if it had anything at all to do with her. And why had she felt relieved when JJ had said they broke up? She knew she didn't like Will, but she kept that a secret. And why did her heart pound so hard when JJ had kept her hand in place while driving? What was going on with her body in order to respond with this tingling sensation whenever the blonde smiled at her today? She hadn't experienced these feelings toward JJ since Will came into the picture, and by then she was able to push it down so far they barely even existed, and if they did show up it was easy to ignore them. So, why when she finds out that JJ is single and seeking her for comfort since they are best friends, are these long buried emotions coming back to cause her a headache?

She could have stared up at the ceiling all night thinking, but she was tired, and the air conditioner had kicked on to blow out freezing air around the room, making her shiver slightly. She sighed, pushing all thoughts of Will and JJ and anything else out of her mind, only wanting to sleep and enjoy the warm comfort the small body next to her was providing.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Emily opened the door to the SUV, helping the younger woman into the car. JJ hissed when she pressed her back to the seat, the burn still tender.

They had caught a lucky break in the case when they woke up, getting a tip that helped them solve the case. But, as they were entering the unsub's house, JJ was taken by surprise and had a hot iron rod pressed into her back, burning her. Morgan had tackled the guy to the point where he was barely able to keep his eyes open when the paramedics came as JJ sat on the floor in tears, Emily ripping the shirt to see the damage to her skin. And as much as the blonde just wanted to get on the jet and go home, Emily forced her to get checked out at the hospital, listening intently as the doctor gave her instructions for JJ's medication. Now that she was released, Emily volunteered to drive them both to the jet, meeting the team there as she wanted to keep a close eye on the younger woman personally.

The first half of the ride was silent, JJ dozing off as the pain medication the hospital gave her wore off. "I'm sorry for um… cuddling you last night." She lazily turned her head to the side, heavy eyes looking right at the brunette's profile. "I guess it's just a habit."

Emily glanced over at the younger woman, giving her a small smile. She adjusted in her seat so she was leaning her right arm down on the center console, her left hand controlling the steering wheel. "The AC was set low so the room was kinda chilly. I didn't mind cuddling for warmth." She laughed a little, hoping to ease the tension in her own voice.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure it was awkward for you." JJ said, her voice low and raspy from sleepiness.

The older woman shot her eyebrows up, curious. "Why would you say that?"

"Because of what Will said." The blonde waved her hand in front of her body, as if this information was obvious to them both already.

Emily understood that JJ wasn't in her complete mind at the moment, but she wondered if she should ask the blonde what Will had actually said. She was curious to know what the southern charmer had told the young woman in order to upset her so much, but Emily didn't know if she would be crossing a line since JJ made it clear yesterday she didn't want to say it. Although, in JJ's mind right now, she already had.

"Remind me what he said again?" She bit her lip, hoping JJ would tell her without any trouble.

"That you're the person I should actually be with, considering I'm secretly in love with you." The words rolled off her tongue like it was no big deal, like everyone already knew.

Emily though, didn't know what to say. She wanted to chalk it up to JJ being slightly out of it from the medication, but there was a part of that secretly hoped it was true. Although she knew it would never happen, she couldn't seem to get the idea out of her head after the blonde cuddled with her last night.

"Why… why would he say that?" She was trying to keep her voice steady, not wanting to tip off the almost unconscious blonde that she might have thought the same about her.

She waved her hand again, rolling her head to look straight out the front of the window. "Because he's always been jealous of you." The blonde shrugged. "And before you ask it's because I accidently told him I'm attracted to you."

"JJ…" Emily trailed off. As much as she wanted to tell the younger woman everything that was going through her mind, she knew that in a few hours JJ wouldn't remember the conversation. So she held everything in, pretended what the blonde was rambling on about didn't matter to her even though it did. But after a few minutes of the blonde replaying the conversation she had with Will she took the last pain medication the doctors had given her for the flight home, per Emily's request.

"I mean, I told him that it wasn't true. I mean, yeah I'm attracted to you but like, I don't like you like that. You're my best friend!" JJ had been repeating the same sentence for the past five minutes, her eyes now closed as she started to drift off to sleep, allowing Emily to drive to the airport in silence.

She wished JJ hadn't told her these things. That JJ hadn't told her she was attracted to her, that Will broke up with her because he thinks she's secretly in love with her, that she would have asked her out if Will didn't come into the picture. Emily didn't want to have these thoughts in her head, especially when she wasn't sure if it was the younger woman talking, or the medication.

By the time they got to the airport, Morgan was already waiting outside the jet for them. He helped the sleepy blonde onto the jet, carrying her to her favorite seat next to the window. Emily had followed behind them, taking their bags to set down near the couch, Hotch nodding to her once she was on board.

"Alright, JJ. You can go ahead and sleep." Morgan sat down, taking her under his arm as she moaned when he accidently hit her burn. "Oh, sorry. Are you okay?"

"Emily…" It was quiet and barely audible, but the look on the blonde's face when she saw it was Morgan hugging her made it obvious he wasn't the person she wanted to sit next to. She pushed away from him, eyes heavy and hair a mess, finding the brunette standing off to the side. "Emily."

This time everyone heard it, Morgan moving out of the seat to allow the older woman to sit down. Once she did, the blonde immediately cuddled into her, getting as comfortable as she could on the small airplane seat. When the team shot her a confused look, Emily shrugged, allowing the younger woman to fall back asleep as she cuddled in close to her. The team left the two women to sit for the flight home, also leaving Emily to venture off into her mind about what the blonde had said.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! So I wanted to make this chapter a little longer... there is actually a whole second part to it that I haven't written yet, but I wanted to upload this part since I feel as if I've made you guys wait too long for an update! So enjoy, and hopefully I can finish the second part of this chapter soon!

As always, I don't own anything related to Criminal Minds.

Emily turned the page in her book just to stare down at the words on the paper. She shook her head, trying to focus her mind. It had been a day since they got back from the case and they had the weekend off. She didn't know what to do with herself. She went for a run when she got up, then cleaned her apartment. The tv was on for a little, but when she couldn't find anything worth watching, let alone decide on a movie, she shut it off. She played with Sergio, her cat, until he got bored and padded over to lay by the window. Now, it was almost seven and she was continuing to re-read the same sentence of the book in front of her.

Sighing, she shut the book, throwing it onto the coffee table as she leaned back onto the couch, staring up at the ceiling. She couldn't get what JJ said out of her head, the blonde's voice on a leep so that it became a deranged lullaby, haunting her every move as it echoed through every crevice of her mind. A part of her wished she had just told the younger woman what she felt. Her original plan involved ignoring everything the blonde brought back up before she fell asleep in the car. But, then they got on the plane and JJ asked for her, cuddling into her as soon as the older woman sat down, that now she didn't know what to do. It was obvious that what the blonde said had some truth to it, with the intense amount of body contact they shared while on the case. And now that she was alone in her apartment, the lonely, aching feeling she had grown used to had gotten worse, after tasting what it would be like to be that close to JJ all the time. All it did was just confuse her.

She wanted to tell JJ that she was attracted to her as well, that her heart started pounding when the blonde walked into the room, and it practically stopped beating completely when that perfect smile is tossed her way. How her hand twitched to feel fingers intertwined. How her body felt pushed up against her in a hug, her arms securely wrapped around the blonde for more than a few seconds. How she wanted to taste her mouth, gently feel their lips dance with each other.

She wanted to know how it would feel to have JJ hold her heart in her hands, completely and utterly, to keep forever, or hand it back. She wanted to know if she could crawl her way through the younger woman's complicated mind, maneuvering her way through twists and turns to locate the map that would lead her into the blonde's guarded heart. She wanted to know what it would be like to wake up to soft lips pressed against her skin, to dance around the kitchen in JJ's borrowed t-shirt, making breakfast for the two of them, to take her to the small hidden stores in downtown she loves so much to watch her in gorgeous happiness.

Emily wanted these things, she could feel the ache of missing something she doesn't even have deep in her bones, in her soul. And for whatever reason, ever since JJ spilled her secrets in the car, Emily's heart has been ignoring her head and invading her thoughts. She had finally found a way to shove her feelings for JJ down into the deep depths of her being, never to be brought back up again. They never would have been triggered if the younger woman stuck to her plan and kept quiet. But, that's not how things work. Things happen, people break up, they get burned on a case and re given medication that makes them say things otherwise not talked about, leaving others wondering about everything the next few days.

She didn't know what to do. A part of her wanted to come clean to the blonde, just say everything that has been running through her mind the past twenty four hours. Another part of her just hoped it was medication induced crazy talk, or if it was true, that JJ has forgotten completely. Then there is the part of her that wishes none of it even happened, that the conversation in the car didn't exist and that the blonde was still with Will. Maybe all of this was just a bad dream…

The brunette lifted her hand to her arm, pinching herself. When she flinched from pain, she knew that last thought probably wasn't true. She lifted her head off the back of the couch, opening her eyes to find Sergio staring at her from where he still sat by the window. She got up off the couch and walked over to the window, watching as the city before her started turning its lights on one by one, the night starting to settle on top of it like a comforting blanket.

She had always liked the night time, even though in her line of work, the worst things happen at night. But no matter what evil she faced when stepping through those office doors, the night always brought a comforting feeling for her. She used to spend hours underneath the stars as a kid, staying out as late as possible until her nanny would drag her inside, only to lay in bed and stare out of her window at the sky until she fell asleep. To this day she still does that, although not outside on the ground since she lives in the city, but had positioned her bed to face her window so she could look out when she woke up and count the twinkling diamonds in the sky. But for as much as her love for the stars was, even they couldn't silence her racing mind with the thoughts of JJ dancing around.

She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned on the side of the windowsill, looking down at the black face staring up at her, tail swishing. "You're right," she spoke aloud, sighing. She nodded at something the cat didn't say. "I'm going to go completely insane if I stay here tonight."

She pushed herself away from the window and toward her bedroom, coming to the conclusion that she was going to force herself to dress up and go out and have some fun. Or, at least try and rid her mind from the younger woman. Once in her room, she opened her closet, looking it over before picking out a flowy black top, dark jeans that fit her perfectly, and red pumps she rarely wears. She laid everything down on her bed and ventured into the bathroom to attempt her hair and makeup. After twenty minutes, she was fully dolled up, slipping on some jewelry before before grabbing her heels as a knock on the door echoed to her ears.

She grabbed both heels and padded her way to the front door. She took the three seconds to look through the peep-hole, spotting a familiar blonde with a rather large overnight bag slung over her shoulder and what looked like a bottle of wine. With a deep breath, she braced herself for what was about to happen before unlocking and opening the door, seeing a smile that made her stomach flip and her heart pound.

"Oh," the blonde said, smile fading as she took in the brunette before her. "Are you leaving for the night?"

"No." Emily lied, waving her off as soon as she saw the slight disappointment flash across the younger woman's face. "No, I just got home. Come in."

With a forced smile, she stepped to the side, letting the blonde in. She dropped her heels next to the table that held her keys, as if to make a point to say she really wasn't leaving, fully committing to her lie. JJ had dropped her bag next to the shoes, slipping her own off and leaving them there as well, confusing Emily. If JJ was planning on staying here for the night, she would have carried the bag farther into the apartment with her.

"So, um… What's with the wine?" She asked, looking at JJ taking in the picture wall she had seen hundreds of times. It was mostly filled with pictures of her and the team in random cities, sometimes holding drinks, others covered from head to toe in clothes while snow is falling around them. Only a few she had with her parents, a handful of only her in select famous cities from around the world. Over half of the pictures hanging on the wall though, featured JJ, whether it be JJ with the group, or just with Emily, or by herself facing a sunset, her slender frame and pretty smile was spotted repeatedly, something neither of them ever brought up.

The blonde cleared her throat, turning to face her best friend awkwardly. "I'm on the way to Garcia's and I saw this in my now empty apartment and thought I should leave early drop by and bring it here to see how you're doing. You didn't respond to Garcia planning the girl's night…" She shrugged, and then stretched out the bottle toward Emily, the silent gesture the two have come to develop over the years, the one that said "open the bottle and get some glasses, we have to talk."

Emily didn't want to challenge this wine offering, afraid of what might happen if she did. So, she took the bottle and headed to the kitchen to grab the glasses, uncorking the alcohol while in there. When she got back to the living room, JJ was perched on the couch, her legs underneath her as she pet a purring Sergio who had made himself comfortable by snuggling up next to her. Emily had to take a deep breath before walking into the blonde's eye sight, her heart thudding in her chest at the sight of how at ease the younger woman looked in her yoga pants and loose fitting t-shirt. She took another deep breath to calm herself, not wanting to jittery when approaching the gorgeous woman she's thought about all day, who was sitting on her sofa petting her cat, making butterflies erupt in her stomach. She was nervous for impending awkward conversation the two were about to have. It was probably a bad idea to add in alcohol to the mix of emotions she was going through, but she couldn't say no to JJ.

She walked over to sit on the couch with enough room between them that the cat could stretch out if he so wanted to. The blonde watched as she poured them each of them a decent amount of red liquid, then picked up the glass to hand to her, only to take it away again. "Can you even drink?"

The younger woman laughed, but understood where the brunette was coming from, she had been on heavy pain medication yesterday. "Dr. Reid gave me permission for one glass."

Now it was Emily's turn to laugh, shaking her head as she handed over the alcohol before settling down on the couch,coping JJ's position on her half of the furniture. "So, why are you checking on me? I mean, I should be the one checking up on you. You got burned."

"And you're the one who has been acting strange since I told you Will broke up with me." She shot the older woman a look, her eyebrows raised as she pointed the glass in her direction. "Look, I know you weren't Will's biggest fan, but you didn't exactly seem pissed or relieved to know that I'm not with him anymore. You seemed… scared."

The brunette took a sip of her wine, avoiding eye contact. She thought her anger she felt for the southerner had overpowered the freaked out feeling she got when she realized she still has feelings for the blonde. She shrugged, her thumb rubbing the side of the glass. She wasn't sure what JJ was getting at, or if she should be completely honest with the younger woman and tell her exactly what was going through her head. Of course if she did that, it meant she would be exposing the fact she has feelings for her, and she wasn't sure if that was what she actually wanted to do.

However, JJ didn't want to sit in silence, so she continued on. "Plus, I did tell you Will broke up with me because I'm attracted to you." She said it quickly, washing the awkward taste out of her mouth with the wine.

"So… you do remember." Emily's voice was flat, emotionless, her eyes staring straight into the liquid in her hand as she gently swished it in a circle.

The blonde took another sip, shaking her head. "Only that part. After that the meds kicked in."

Emily nodded, finally looking up into blue eyes to shrug. She might as well be honest now, since JJ was sitting in front of her and was giving her the look that said she wanted to know everything that happened between them. "You kept repeating how you told Will that you are attracted to me but don't like me like that." She quoted the words that were burned into her memory, unable to keep them hurt out of her voice.

The younger woman sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Even when I'm high from medication I still want to protect you…"

Emily allowed the blonde to trail off, not knowing what to do with this new information. They sat in silence and drank, watching as the cat got up, stretched, and jumped down from the couch and disappeared into Emily's bedroom. The air was thick with awkwardness as JJ stared at the wall, Emily keeping her eyes focused on the state capital outside her window.

Finally, JJ spoke. "I mean, I wasn't lying, Em. Yeah, there were other reason we broke up, but him being jealous of you was one of the main ones."

Emily held on to her glass tightly. It was now empty, but her muscles were locked in place, making moving for a refill impossible. "Why?"

"Because I am attracted to you, and he knew that." She bit her lip, pulling her legs out from under her and to her chest. "Apparently I would call out your name in my sleep after we would… you know… which, wasn't good for his ego." She took another gulp of wine, shrugging. "And I um… said your name once while we… yeah."

"But, if you felt that way, why didn't you tell me?" Emily looked at the blonde, confused.

JJ shrugged, finishing off her one glass approved drink and set it on the coffee table. "I don't know. It was all really complicated between us and I wasn't sure if it was just sexual attraction or if I deeply cared about you because we were friend." She ran her hand through her hair again, frustrated. "And then there was the whole you might not feel the same way thing."

The older woman looked away from her, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks. "I wish you would have said something… I was going through the same thing. And then Will came and I saw it as my opportunity to make you completely unavailable to me so I pushed you toward him, even though I hated it."

JJ laughed, feeling good about getting everything off her chest. "Is it totally weird that I'm glad we became friends instead? Although, if you were ever wanted to makeout, I'd be down."

The brunette smiled, her body loosening up enough enough to allow her to set her glass down, looking at the blonde once more. "No, I'm glad we are friends too." She wasn't lying. When she finally did push her feelings for JJ down, having her as a friend was amazing, she loved it. "But, I might take you up on that makeout offer the next time I'm drunk." The two women laughed, all the tension between them melting away. "How is the burn, by the way?"

THe blonde shifted her weight at the topic of her burn, wincing as the couch scraped against it. "It's healing nicely. They gave me this ointment to put on every few hours. Actually…" She glanced at the clock on the wall behind Emily. "It's about time for it now… do you mind?" She bit her lip, a little afraid she might have pushed the friendly mood the older woman was in too far.

Emily, on the other hand, was actually glad she could help JJ. "Not at all." She smiled as the blonde got up from the couch and disappeared.

When she came back, she handed a small tube to the brunette, slipping her shirt over her head before sitting with her back facing Emily, moving golden hair out of the way to reveal freckled skin and a pink line about the black bra. It took the older woman a second to adjust to the fact that the blonde was sitting in her bra in front of her. Her imagination took off, begging her hand to unclasp the black material, but instead she forced her shaky limbs to open the ointment and put some on her finger, gently applying it to the pink, puffy skin.

"You have to like, massage it in." JJ's voice was a whisper, her eyes closed as the ointment started to do it's job.

Emily began to gently massage the burn, going a little up into the blonde's shoulder by accident, but ended up digging her thumbs into shoulder blades when she heard a moan slip from JJ's mouth. "So, when was this time you called out my name during sex?" She was teasing her, but was also curious, and she couldn't help but feel slightly turned on by what was going on, the sounds coming from JJ that were the direct result of her movements made the action of massaging the younger woman addicting.

"The night of your birthday party… You wore that blue dress that looked amazing on you… I guess the idea of taking you home stuck in my mind while Will was the one who actually took me home." She chuckled, wondering how Will didn't just end everything that night, then she remembered they were both drunk and that he said he thought he imagined it until they fought about it during their breakup. "That feels good…"

Emily smiled, proud to see that she was finally helping her friend relax. She made her way down the younger woman's spine, feeling her heart thump in her chest every time the blonde let out a gorgeous sound. When she got to JJ's lower back, the younger woman automatically leaned into her, letting Emily support her weight. The brunette's body instinctively scooted closer, so her hands could go around to rub circles on hip bones.

Emily closed her eyes, basking in the feeling of having the blonde so close, so in pleasure from her actions. She allowed herself to let go, let the moment go where it may, so when she pushed her nose into the hairline behind JJ's ear, she smiled. Her hands slowly went around to JJ's front, fingers grazing up toned abs before going down to ghost against sides as she pressed her lips to just below the younger woman's ear.

A content laugh escaped from the blonde, tilting her head to the side to allow the older woman more access to her neck. She smiled as she reached up behind her to hold Emily's lips in place on her pulse point, a louder moan rippling through her body to erupt as a growl as Emily gently continued her playful kissing. Her fingers intertwined themselves in brown hair when a tongue ran across her skin and teeth grazed over the same area. Her face turned toward the enchanting lips, breathing hard as she rubbed her nose against Emily's.

The older woman was just about to surge forward and capture JJ's mouth when the blonde moved, maneuvering herself to straddle Emily's lap as her hands went to tangle into the hair at the base of the brunette's neck, successfully guiding her back to kiss her neck again. Emily didn't mind, making her kissing more forceful as her tongue and teeth ran over sensitive skin, nails gently dragging down the younger woman's bare back gently, as to not hurt her. A growl rolled through the brunette when JJ pulled on her hair, the sound making JJ grind her hips into the woman below her with a whine-like moan.

When the younger woman could feel the area Emily was centering her attention on on her neck turning pink, she used her nose to nudge the brunette's face up to hers. Their foreheads touched and noses once again rubbed against each other before Emily gently pushed her lips into JJ's feeling the pressure reciprocated immediately. They continued their slow kissing, both women lost in the feel of their mouths dancing together as the shared electric currently passed through them.

A tongue ventured out to glide against a lower lip, access being granted without hesitation, letting the kiss deepen. Emily's hands went to the younger woman's hips, her nails carefully digging into skin, JJ's reaction to slowly and deliberately start to move her hips down and forward, and then back again. This made Emily growl again, which resulted in the blonde putting more pressure into her grinding.

Just when the blonde's hands slid down Emily's body to tug her fancy shirt above her waist, starting to move it over her breasts, a phone rang. JJ dropped the shirt and disconnected their lips, the older woman going straight to kiss the other side of the blonde's neck, desperate to taste the sweet skin. She pulled her ringing phone out of her back pocket with the intention of ignoring the call until she saw the name.

"Shit." She stopped her movements and used her free hand to push Emily's shoulder away from her, but Emily didn't stop kissing until she heard who JJ addressed on the phone. "Hey, Pen… Sorry I fell asleep. I'm on my way right now."

Emily watched as the blonde slipped her phone into her back pocket before closing her eyes and brushing the sides of their noses together. The younger woman breathed deeply, her hands massaging the base of Emily's skull as the brunette ran her fingertips lightly up and down the exposed back, being careful to avoid the burn. The older woman bit her bottom lip, not sure not sure if she should try and continue kissing JJ.

The blonde was the first to break the silence. "I should go before Garcia gets the brilliant idea to track my phone…"

Emily responded by dropping her arms to the sides of her body, allowing the younger woman to slip off her lap and pull her shirt back on. Once JJ was fully covered and hair fixed, the brunette stood up silently walking the blonde to the front door. When the duo got to the door, JJ reached for the handle, only to stop when the older woman spoke. "So… um… are we…?"

JJ moved closer to the older woman, pressing their lips together, pulling away before the brunette could get a hold of her and drag them both back to the couch. "I'll call you and we will talk later."

"Okay." Emily was hesitant to say it, hesitant to let JJ walk out of the door, but she knew there would be consequences if she didn't. So with a nod, the blonde opened the door and was gone, leaving Emily to sigh and wander back to the couch to finish the bottle of wine the two of them started. Since she knew there was no possible way for her to not think of JJ after what just happened, she decided being sober the rest of the night wasn't an option. Her plan was to now polish off the bottle and pass out in her bed until the sun was high in the sky the next day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! So this is the long overdue update. It has the second part of chapter three I mentioned before chapter three, as well as the full chapter four. I wanted to make this chapter extra long since the last one was short. This story has ended up becoming something I was never expecting, and instead of trying to force it to the outline I originally created, I'm going to put that aside and allow this story to take me where it may. I hope you guys don't mind. It will still be rated M for later chapters, but as far as right now I'm just enjoying how the story is unfolding. Also, I'm debating on removing the first chapter since it no longer applies to this story, but might upload it again if it fits in later, or I might just keep it up entirely because it was kind of the inspiration, the start, to this story. And one last thing about my updating be sporadic... I put my heart and soul into everything I write so I only upload it when I feel like it is completely done and lives up to what I imagined in my mind, which sadly means it might take awhile for it to get posted on here.**

 **That being said... I hope you guys like this chapter and as always, let me know what you think or if you have any ideas. And I own nothing relating to Criminal Minds.**

JJ stared at the file in front of her, frustrated. She had unexpectedly spent all weekend with Garcia, the quirky computer analyst refusing to let her leave so she could keep an eye on her. Of course she didn't mind, considering how much Garcia worried over each member of the team, but it meant that she was never left alone, and she couldn't call Emily without raising suspicions from the all knowing Penelope Garcia. JJ knew that as soon as she snuck off to call the brunette Garcia would be on her case about wanting to know the secret. So even though every cell in her body ached to hear the sound of Emily's raspy voice on the other end of the line, she ignored it.

Although, that was easier said than done. She couldn't keep her mind from wondering about the fact that she left the older woman's apartment on friday feeling some sort of high. It was like, as if for a moment, all of the things she had rattling inside her head silenced, didn't exist until she was forced to think of them. Her job, the shit that happened between her and Will, even the worry of what her and Emily were doing, no longer mattered once those lips touched her skin. She had no idea what was going on, but it didn't stop her from wondering if Will was right after all, and she wasn't even mad about that, considering how happy she felt when the older woman said she felt the same way.

She couldn't deny the feeling she had buzzing through her body all weekend, one that got ten times more powerful this morning when she realized that it was that it was monday and that she would be seeing the brunette after a few days of wanting to get her hands back on that body and explore further. Just the idea of seeing Emily stroll through the doors made her heart race. Of course, this should have concerned her, but once she realized she hadn't felt this happy in a long time, all of her concerns flew out the window. Since spending a year being miserable with Will, she desperately desired to be with someone who makes her happy, and if that someone happened to be her best friend, then so be it.

She had always wondered if she felt something more for Emily than just friendship, and that kiss certainly proved it. The way her heart raced and the tingles that shot through her body every time the older woman had touched her, left her breathless and craving for more. She had thought about kissing and touching the brunette all weekend, her attempts to ignore what her mind was telling her failing miserably. She wanted to be back in that moment with her, shutting the world out as she let Emily in, creating a world for just the two of them. She knew she had to explain to Emily what was going on inside her, if she didn't, she was sure she'd go insane. If only she knew how to tell Emily all of this, or even part of it.

She sighed, looking up to see the brunette walking to her desk, just arriving to work. JJ's pulse quickened as her palms began to sweat, a smile forming on her face until she remembered that she had promised Emily she would call to talk, and then she didn't speak a word to her for the rest of the weekend. Worry began to set in as she saw the sadness in the older woman's face, only being able to think of the worst case scenario that the brunette could be imagining. She needed to talk to Emily and clear everything up.

Before she knew what she was doing, she was out of her chair and poking her head out the door. "Emily, can I get your opinion on something?" The older woman was hesitant at first, but then nodded and started to make her way into JJ's office. Once the brunette was inside, JJ closed the door and began shutting the blinds so the rest of the team wouldn't see in and eavesdrop. "Sorry I didn't call… Garcia was watching me like a hawk all weekend."

"Oh, no, it's fine." Emily said, waving the blonde off. She was standing directly in front of JJ's messy desk, files upon files stacked on top of one another to the point that they were ready to topple over. "I actually wanted to come in and apologize for kissing you. It was way-"

The younger woman had finished closing the blinds, walking to stand in front of the brunette and kissed her without hesitation, effectively making the older woman stop talking. Within seconds, Emily was kissing her back, walking backwards and pulling JJ with her until her ass could gently lean against the desk without messing up any piles of files. The blonde had her fists full of Emily's jacket, keeping her from moving as the brunette placed her hands on JJ's hips, keeping her from moving as well. When they both needed oxygen, they pulled apart, both of them smiling.

"I guess you don't accept my apology." Emily breathed, swallowing as she kept her hands on the blonde's hips, still not letting her move away, as if JJ even wanted to.

The younger woman began playing with Emily's shirt collar, trying to muster the courage to tell her everything that had been running through her head the past few days. "No, don't apologize." She bit her lip, moving her hand up to cup Emily's cheek and run her thumb over the older woman's lower lip gently, keeping her eye sight on the action she was doing.

"Okay, I won't" She kissed the pad of JJ's thumb, bringing one hand up to hold the wrist of the blonde's hand, making sure it stayed put cupping her face, leaning into it subconsciously. "But, why am I not apologizing?"

JJ moved her hands to hook her arms around Emily's neck, sighing. She placed her forehead against the older woman's and breathed in the scent she was getting to know as Emily's, an immediate comfort to her spazzing nerves. "Because… kissing you was the first time I've felt at peace in a long time. It was like… you silenced everything going on in my head and made me forget for awhile. That's never happened to me before." She was surprised by her own honesty, not knowing she would explain it that way or even go that in depth, and she hopped Emily had understood what she was trying to say. But, before the brunette could respond, she clarified. "It's just that… Will always made me question everything, and I'm not going to go into detail about that but, with you… it was different. It felt comfortable, it felt right, and I really don't want to lose that because it's never been like that for me. And I, I guess I'm afraid I've crossed a line or something? I don't know… I'm not making any sense."

Emily laughed as the blonde rested her forehead on her shoulder, groaning. She had walked into the office slightly pissed and confused over the fact that they younger woman never called her, but as soon as she heard the explanation, all was forgiven. Now, she was trying to quickly deal with the fact that JJ had basically compared her to some sort of drug after having every intention of walking into work to tell the blonde it was all a mistake. She had let herself overthink and overanalyze every little detail thing that happened between them while she locked herself in her apartment waiting for a call that never came. She had managed to talk herself out of the fact she felt fireworks bursting throughout her body while JJ pressed their lips together, trying to tell herself it was the alcohol and that she was just confused.

But now, her hands were on the blonde's hips and she could smell her comforting scent and feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest from how JJ managed to gently enter her fingers into her hair at her neck. She tried to clear her mind and convince herself one more time that she was just crazy, but she heard a soft chuckle come from the younger woman and felt a nose rub the side of her neck, and she knew she was a goner. There was no way she could deny that she felt _something_ for the blonde, the way her heart was beating proved that, but she wasn't sure how to tell her without spilling everything.

She gently rubbed the younger woman's back, feeling JJ relax under her touch. "You make perfect sense. This feels… right to me too."

The blonde lifted her head off of the shoulder, eyes looking hopeful, but wary. "Really?"

Emily nodded, placing a kiss on the corner of the blonde's mouth, her mind screaming at her to take a little more control of her heart and not admit to everything right away, she needed to be somewhat grounded. She wasn't sure if she could keep her mind clear around the blonde, a fog settling around her so all she could focus on was the deep blue eyes staring back up at her, drawing her closer and closer to her impending doom. "So the kiss just now… were you using me to test this… theory of yours?" She raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Maybe…" JJ started to blush, biting her lower lip as she shrugged. "I wanted to make sure it really worked."

"And?"

"My theory has definitely been proven." She smiled, tapping the side of her temple. "Got nothing going on up here. But, not gonna lie, I kinda just wanted to kiss you."

The older woman laughed, leaning in to kiss the blonde's lips once more, making JJ laugh in return. Seeing the younger woman so full of joy for a few moments filled Emily with her own joy. She watched as the blonde smiled up at her before leaning down and kissing her once again, then finally took a half step backward. As much as she didn't want to, she knew they had to get back to work. "I should probably get back to work, you only needed a quick opinion."

"That is very true… And I think we did get that opinion of yours, correct?" JJ untangled herself from the brunette as she straightened her suit jacket, eyebrow raised, questioning the woman in front of her.

"Yes, my opinion is the same as yours." She quickly stole a kiss, then stepped back a few more steps, leaving the blonde leaning against her desk smiling like a fool. Although, she took was smiling like a fool. "I should go."

JJ nodded, clearing her throat. "Yes, yes. I will talk to you later."

There was an awkward pause and then the brunette was gone, leaving the younger woman torn between being giddy and excited, and being confused and scared with what was about to happen. She knew she had feelings for Emily, and now she knew that Emily had feelings for her, but she wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do. It felt right, it always had, just being around the older woman felt right, even when Will was sitting next to her and begging for her attention, Emily had always been at the back of her mind, the side of her eye. Now that the initial contact between then had been made, she had more to think about than she originally thought. Things such as if this was even a good idea, considering they were coworkers and if it were to go south, things between them would turn awkward and the whole team would eventually find out to create a giant mess no one wants to be in.

But the way she kissed her. The way her lips felt against hers and the feel of her hands running through her hair and down her back, sending tingles through her nerves so it left her a jittery bundle of joy and anxiety all wrapped into one giant mess of emotions that all seemed to flutter away like butterflies once she wrapped those strong and confident arms around her, the crooked belt buckle pushing up against her hips as their lips touched and created a magic spark. She took a deep breath, her head spinning as she thought of this, of the happiness she felt with Emily being near her. It gave her the shove she needed to continue on with what they have, or to at least see what it could be.

One thing is for sure is that she loved the way Emily silenced her mind. It was something she desperately craved for and wasn't up to letting it go.

XXXXXXXXX

 _One Week Later_

Emily hadn't even taken her book out of her go-bag. She knew there was no point since she wouldn't be able to concentrate with JJ sitting across from her. Everything with the blonde was so new, so exciting, and even though there wasn't anything established between them, it was as if something already was. It had been a week since they kissed in JJ's office, and nothing had been spoken about it since, but the quick glances and unusually sweet text conversations between the women reminded them that something indeed was happening in their own little world. They were both slammed with paperwork monday through thursday, to the point they were so exhausted that they figured they wanted to have a proper conversation about it all when they felt they could both hold an intelligent conversation. But, that plan proved to be more difficult than they anticipated, considering how the team was dragged on a case late thursday night, making everyone scramble back to the office nine to take off at nine fifteen, for the same case they had just now solved and were currently flying home from.

The older woman was actually somewhat grateful for the case, letting her get some distraction from the blonde for awhile, even if it meant staring at mutilated dead bodies for hours. It had always been easy for her to throw herself into work when her personal life got a little bumpy, but since her personal life stood next to her on the case looking over dead bodies nearly every chance it could get, her plan wasn't going as it normally did. Especially when the last victim resembled JJ a little too much for her liking, drawing all of her worst fears she didn't even know she had out of the deepest corners of her mind to get her nightmares dancing in front of her eyes while she stared at the files in front of her, the blonde's shampoo wafting up her nose and tingling her senses.

The younger 20 year old had the same piercing blue eyes as JJ, and although her hair was a shade darker, in all the pictures she saw on the victim's laptop, she had the same kind and loveable face as JJ. She would have been fine, considering they have come across a lot of victims that were lucky enough to have the blonde hair, blue eye recessive gene, but this girl was different. The goofy teenage videos Garcia made her watch showed how similar she was to the blonde her heart was captured by, even down to the heartwarming laugh. She had to get up and walk away from the computer when Garcia revealed the girl was on a soccer scholarship and played center, just like JJ. The similarities chilled her to the bone, and she was more than happy to handcuff the twisted mind who enjoyed slashing the perfect body.

Maybe she was reading too much into it, over thinking every single thing that went through her mind. But, nothing could have stopped her from hunting down the blonde at the local Colorado police station to see with her own eyes that JJ was okay, unlike her mini me. She had found her in one of the offices that was made out of windows, allowing her to see right into the room to see what was going on between her teammates. JJ had looked up to see Emily staring at her, smiling as she excused herself from the conversation with Hotch and Rossi to migrate over to the brunette, letting the door shut behind her so they wouldn't be able to hear what the two women said. There was a gentle arm touch, one Emily knew wasn't a big deal between coworkers, but a big deal between her and the blonde, tingles shooting throughout her body as the warmth from JJ's hand radiated to her skin, sending a shiver down her spine.

"Are you okay?" JJ's voice was soft and concerned, easing some of Emily's weird fear by proving yet again that she was here, she was alive.

"Yeah, I'm…" She cleared her throat, shrugging. "Just checking on you."

The blonde nodded as she folded her arms over her chest, giving Emily an understanding smile. "The victim has you freaked out, huh?" She chucked a little, scooting out of the doorway to let a frantic Reid walk into the room to talk to Hotch and Rossi.

"How did you know?" The brunette sighed, running a hand through her hair, hoping to distract the younger woman from seeing her ivory skin turn a light pink.

JJ laughed again, reaching a hand to touch the older woman's elbow. She worried for a second that this touch came off more than just friendly, but with the way the older woman was looking at her with her eyes full of concern, she didn't really care how others would perceive it. "Because I know you."

Emily looked down at her shoes, fiddling with her boots, bottom lip between her teeth. "So… I assume you know that I'm worried about you?"

The younger woman nodded, moving closer to touch the brunette again and to talk low so no one else could hear them. "I'll make sure to stay next to Morgan the entire time."

Emily laughed. "You do know me." And with a wink, the blonde walked back through the door just as Morgan was walking up to them, waving them both inside.

Much to Emily's surprise, JJ had stayed next to Morgan until the unsub was in handcuffs. She wasn't exactly sure how the younger woman managed to do it, but it seemed to work, and it lessened Emily's anxiety about the blonde being out in the field without her. Not that Emily needed to protect JJ, just that she was more worried than usual. It was probably due to her feelings being rediscovered, but she couldn't be entirely positive.

What she did know, however, was that she was in desperate need of coffee if she was going to sit on the plane and listen to Reid ramble as Morgan asked him questions trying to annoy him. And she definitely needs coffee if she is going to listen to JJ laugh every time Morgan asked one of his questions.

She wiggled out of her seat, no one noticing her movements except for the blonde, but Emily ignored her and continued on her way to the small kitchen. She closed the curtain behind her, turning her attention to the temperamental coffee pot as she started to get it ready. She was so preoccupied with fiddling with the machine, she didn't notice JJ enter the small area until she felt arms snake around her side and a head resting on her shoulder. She didn't think twice about reaching a hand back and resting it on the back of the blonde's head, forgetting for a second where they were, until the coffee machine made an angry sound.

JJ released the brunette, turning around next to the older woman with her lower back resting against the counter, arms folded. She watched Emily struggle with the machine for a few moments before reaching behind the pot to unplug it and replug it, Emily giving her a confused look. "It's temperamental." She shrugged. "Now try it."

Emily pressed the on button, then the large cup, watching as the pot stirred to life finally. She turned toward the blonde, smiling. "Would you like a cup of coffee, Miss Jareau?" She waved a hand dramatically toward the now brewing coffee.

"In about ten minutes, yes. I would love some." She laughed when Emily shot her another confused look. "That's how long it takes to actually make the coffee."

"So that's why you're back here for so long." The brunette nodded, looking into crystal clear eyes as she felt her heart skip a beat, suddenly overwhelmed with the beauty in front of her. "So, is that why you came in here? To help me with the devil machine?"

JJ laughed again, moving closer to her as she picked up the hand the brunette was using to point at the coffee pot. She tugged on the hand, drawing the older woman closer to her. "No, I came in here to thank you." The women were standing face to face, close enough to feel each other's breath, but far enough away to have a small gap between them, instantly creating a familiar tension in the atmosphere.

"F-for what?" Emily cleared her throat, trying not to lose herself in the fact the blonde was initiating contact between them her head going dizzy from the tingles in her body.

"For protecting me." The younger woman smiled, and then raised her hand, palm out, to stop the brunette from speaking. "And before you say you didn't do anything, don't think I didn't notice you hanging around me more than normal. It kinda freaked me out too, you know. Having to see a victim that was so similar to me… But knowing you were around and watching out for me, kept me calm so I could do my job. So, I came in here to thank you…"  
Emily allowed herself to be pulled the rest of the way to JJ, their hips touching as the blonde slipped her arms around the older woman's neck. Even though she thought it was a bad idea, Emily's hands rested on the blonde's hips, moving her head down to rest their foreheads together. The airplane creaked with noise, the engine loudly stating it was working properly as the transportation device shook enough to making Emily grip onto the blonde harder so they wouldn't lose their balance, her heart beating heavily because of the situation. The younger woman's lips were right there, her breath dancing across her face, her hands tangling into her hair. She looked up at the closed door, sighing "Jay… this is a bad idea. Someone could walk in and see…"

JJ shook her head, trying to convince the brunette that no one would walk in. "Shh…" Her lips pressed the corner of the older woman's mouth tenderly, almost as if she was afraid to steal a real kiss. "They know how finicky the machine can be, we've got another five minutes."

The older woman closed her eyes and marveled in how it felt, JJ being in her arms, begging to be kissed, the two of them shut away in a small section all of their own. She thought about the fear and worry from earlier in the day when JJ was at risk because of the unsub, and felt it all melt away as the blonde nudged her cheek with her nose. She had thought about kissing JJ since the last one they shared in the blonde's office, but she didn't think it would be in the tiny kitchen area of the plane that held their entire team. She skillfully dodged the younger woman's attempt at a real kiss, rubbing their noses together instead. "Jay, we can't." She knew that if they kissed, she wouldn't be able to willingly stop herself from giving JJ more kisses.

The younger woman didn't back away, but took a hand and cupped Emily's cheek, whispering her reply. "I've wanted to kiss you all day… Just one, please…" Of course, once Emily heard the desperation in JJ's voice, she gave in, swooping down to collide their lips, the blonde smiling as she stole a second one. JJ smiled up at her once they broke apart. "I wish I could kiss you more." She wasn't sure why she said it, but she didn't regret it.

"Well," Emily said, scooting back a little to look into blue eyes. "Maybe I'll come over later. That way you can kiss me as much as you want. But only if you behave yourself for the rest of the flight." She joked, making the younger woman smile again as the coffee machine beeped, signaling that the coffee was done, filling the air with the scent of caffeine.

"I promise to be on my best behavior, if I get one more kiss right now." The blonde leaned up and captured the older woman's lips without waiting to see if Emily agreed, and they stayed connected until there was a knock on the door, Morgan's voice asking if they were okay. The two women pulled apart, straightening their clothes to look presentable before JJ opened the door, Morgan's eyebrows raised silently at the two women. "Couldn't get the damn thing to start." She rolled her eyes, acting as if she was frustrated before quickly turning to the older woman. "Pour me a cup?"

Emily nodded, most of her energy going to slow her galloping heart. "Yup." She managed to squeak out as she pulled another mug from the cabinet, watching JJ shoo Morgan with her hand and following after him. The brunette took her time mixing the right amount of cream into the younger woman's coffee after they left. She couldn't believe they just had a mini make out session in the tiny makeshift kitchen on the BAU jet with their teammates sitting right outside the door. She had no idea what had gotten into her, she was usually so confined and was able to keep a professional appearance in front of everyone. But now that JJ was constantly around her, either at the office, on a case, or on her mind, she was turning into a reckless mess.

Just as she was about to pick up the two mugs, her phone buzzed in her back pocket. She took it out to see that JJ had texted her. "Can't wait to have your lips all to myself." She smiled, biting her lip as she felt her cheeks brighten. This woman was going to be the death of her one way or another. She quickly texted back, "All yours they shall be" before grabbing the mugs and heading to her seat to finish out the flight, trying her best not to look too much at the gorgeous woman sitting across from her.

XXXXXXX

JJ towel dried her hair and then combed it out, letting the damp, slightly curly strands fall where they may over her shoulders. She wanted to take a quick shower before Emily came over, attempting to cool down some, her nerves making her shake. The kiss in the airplane had done its job of distracting her, the thought of the victim long gone, but now she was nervous over the fact that Emily would be coming over soon, the first time as something more than friends. She had done a good job in squashing whatever the brunette brought to life because of Will, but now that he's out of the picture and she allowed herself to test the water with the older woman, JJ was having a hard time controlling the want she was feeling for Emily. She had never fully gotten used to how her heart pounds and hands sweat whenever she catches a glimpse of dark hair, but now the emotions and physical results were enough to knock her off her feet. All she could think about what the longing she felt to be in the older woman's arms, hear her heartbeat in her chest, feel the delicate touch of Emily's fingertips dragging up and down her skin. She wanted to be close to the woman, and it was catching her off guard.

After slipping into a loose fitting t-shirt and sweats, she walked over to her beeping phone, reading the text Emily sent saying she would be over in five minutes. Panic began to set in, the apartment suddenly seeming too quiet. When she went to put music on, however, she wasn't sure what to pick, not knowing what kind of mood she was supposed to set, this being unknown territory for the two women. She argued with herself for a moment before choosing a relaxing indie playlist, coming to the conclusion that if Emily really wanted to listen to something she could change it to whatever she wanted. She smoothed out her outfit one last time, for no reason at all except for nerves, and heard a knock at the door.

Emily stood outside the blonde's apartment nervously hopping from one foot to the other. She couldn't believe how nervous she felt, the hand holding the bottle of dark alcohol sweating so much that she had a death grip on the neck so it didn't slip and crash to the floor, her go-bag hanging in the crook of her elbow. She wasn't sure why she actually brought it in with her. Normally she would just leave it in the car, but not knowing how the night would play out with the blonde, she brought it with her, and even shoved some nice jeans and spare non-FBI protocol shirt, just in case. She raised her bottle free hand to knock on the door and saw her work watch, wincing. The brunette had been so preoccupied with quickly getting home to replenish her go-bag and head to the market to grab the alcohol, she didn't even think about changing out of her work clothes, let alone even shower. Biting her lip and trying to think up an excuse to take a quick shower, she finally knocked.

JJ opened the door, smiling as soon as she saw Emily, then raised her eyebrows at the bottle in the brunette's hand. "Just a little something to reward you on your good behavior." She joked, successfully making the bubbly laugh poor out of the younger woman, lifting some of the nervous tension from her chest. The blonde stepped to the side to allow the older woman to step through the door, taking the bottle from her hand as Emily dropped her bag in the livingroom. She turned around just in time to see the younger woman walk away toward the kitchen. Just one look at how the blonde stood at the counter and opened the new bottle set off something inside her. Emily took in the sight of her, damp hair sprawled over her shoulders, loose fitting shirt, comfortable sweats, an angelic face makeup free and showing freckles, Emily about lost it right there. But, instead, she slipped out of her work boots and began walking toward the blonde that was rambling about something.

"...But I wasn't sure. So, anyway, you want a glass?" JJ looked up to see the older woman in front of her, eyes dark with need. She allowed Emily to pull her body close, hips meeting. "Or, we could have it later…" Her heart was pounding as Emily's lips began pressing up against her neck, the tingles beginning to shoot throughout her body.

Emily wrapped her arms around the younger woman's waist, bringing her mouth up to JJ's, whispering. "Still looking for that distraction?" She rubbed the side of her nose against the blondes', breathing in the scent of JJ's clean skin. It was known to both of them that the kiss in the airplane was JJ looking for a way to silence her mind, and Emily was glad for it, but now it was just an excuse to kiss the blonde more. "Because I think I can help you with that."

The blonde smiled, automatically lifting her hands to tangle them in Emily's brown locks. Having her this close already silenced every evil voice she had going on in her head, and as much as she wanted to talk things over with Emily first, the dizzying feeling was getting to the point that it was uncontrollable, and needed to be lessened somehow. She let out a breathy moan as the older woman rubbed her shirt covered back. "Yes."

"Good," the brunette said, lifting up the blonde to set her on the counter, standing between her legs. "I'd like to finish what you started on the plane." She captured JJ's lips before she could respond, the blonde moaning instead.

They continued to kiss, lips exploring lips and skin as hands explored breasts, backs, and hips. Neither knew what they were doing, but they both didn't want to stop, and it wasn't until the blonde moaned Emily's name that the older woman dared to go a step further.

She kissed her way down the blonde's jaw to the pulse point on her neck. "How's the distraction going?" She nipped at the skin, running a hand up JJ's back to tangle her fingers in blonde locks to gentle angle the younger woman's head for easier access to sweet tasting skin.

JJ bit her lower lip, moaning at the teeth grazing her neck. "It is going perfect. But, I might need a little more…" JJ's hands found their way to Emily's suit coat, sliding them underneath the fabric at the brunette's collar bone and moved them up over her shoulders. She pushed the jacket off muscular shoulders as Emily helped to shrug it off, letting it fall to the floor, the blonde's mouth finding the older woman's again to continue kissing.

THeir lips didn't break until the blonde's fingers started unbuttoning the dark blue shirt, making the older woman freeze. She suddenly remembered that she hadn't showered or changed, so she still had a film of dirt and sweat from being in the Colorado summer heat and airplane wrinkled clothes. Plus, she had on her work bra, which as supporting and comfortable it may be, it isn't exactly the most flattering thing for her to wear. Of course, JJ had seen her like this a million times before, even a few glimpses of her in this bra while changing, but this was different.

This was opening up a new door between the two women, one that will never be able to be closed again. Emily wanted to do it right, not when she smelled and looked like a hot mess. Not when JJ was in front of her looking like an angel sent from heaven and she was the complete opposite. Not when they were just starting to figure out what this was between them. Yes, it was a distraction for them both, something the two women knew they could go and get without having to look weak or like they couldn't handle their jobs. It was definitely a distraction, but Emily couldn't help but think that there could be something more; she felt it, and she was sure by the way the younger woman looked at her and touched her that she felt the same way. So Emily didn't want to ruin it, whatever it may be.

The brunette took her hand out of JJ's hair and placed it on the hands moving their way down to the third button on her shirt, lifting her head to rest her forehead on the younger woman's. She closed her eyes and stayed still, waiting to see how JJ would react to her stopping the moment.

JJ removed one hand from the shirt and cupped Emily's face, worried. "Em? You okay?" She didn't seem convinced with the older woman's head nod, removing her second hand to cup the other side of Emily's face. "What's wrong? If we are going to fast, you can tell me."

"No, it's not that." She opened her eyes to see JJ giving her a look that was a mix between worried and confused. She moved her hands to gently place them on the blonde's forearms, sighing. "It's… I don't want the first time you see me in… this way… to be when I look and feel gross from being at work. I was going to take a shower before I came over, but I packed my bag and ran out the door because I wanted to see you."

The blonde chuckled lightly, pecking Emily's lips. The atmosphere around them shattered as soon as JJ laughed. The tension in the brunette's shoulders lifted as her body relaxed and her overactive mind stopped running a marathon. JJ hooked lose pairs of brown hair behind an ear so she could see a perfect ivory colored face as she locked eyes with the woman in front of her, smiling gently. "First of all, you could never look gross." She raised her hand to stop Emily from protesting before she continued on. "Second, go grab your bag, I'll get a towel and you can take a shower."

"Are you sure…?" Emily was shocked with how easy going the blonde was about it. Which, it shouldn't have surprised her since it's JJ, queen of understanding, but somehow it still did.

"Em," JJ smiled, sending butterflies fluttering in the older woman's stomach. "I want you to be comfortable around me, and if a shower will help you do that, who am I to stop you?"

The older woman watched as jJ jumped down from on top the counter, grabbed her hand, and started toward the bathroom in her bedroom. Emily picked up her go-bag along the way as the blonde grabbed a clean towel, handing it off to her once they reached the bathroom.

All Emily could do was smile at the younger woman, feeling grateful to be in the company. JJ smiled back. "Could never be gross-looking. You are way too beautiful for that." She gave the brunette a quick kiss before pushing her into the bathroom to shower. Once she heard the water going, she turned on the TV facing her bed and picked out a movie, plopping it into the player. She grabbed the remote and made herself comfy under the covers as she waited for Emily to finish her shower. She watched all of the previews and studied the main menu screen of the DVD for a few seconds by the time the brunette emerged from the bathroom with damp hair and sporting FBI sweats and a t-shirt. "Hey, thought we could watch a movie."

Emily smiled, setting her bag next to the bathroom door before crawling into bed next to JJ. "Sounds good." She glanced at the screen to see that they were watching one of the blonde's favorite romantic comedies, and was going to comment on how often JJ watches it as a way of teasing her, but was quickly distracted by the younger woman scooting closer to her. Her heart stopped when the blonde automatically leaned her head on her shoulder and found her hand under the covers to intertwine their fingers between them.

JJ could smell her shampoo and body wash on Emily, making her snuggle in closer while the brunette untangled their fingers so she could wrap an arm around her, bringing her even impossibly closer. The older woman used her free hand to cup JJ's chin and make her look up at her. They both smiled as Emily leaned down to capture the blonde's lips, sharing a few kisses before turning their attention back ot the screen. Halfway through the movie, JJ could feel herself dozing off, the warmth and comfort of the older woman pulling her toward sleep. She shifted her weight so her body was facing Emily's arms wrapped around the brunette's torso, face nuzzled into her neck. Emily embraced the new position, placing one hand protectively on top of the arm on her stomach as her other arm continued to wrap around JJ, her fingertips dancing up and down the blonde's back, hypnotizing her to sleep.

Emily finished the movie, carefully turning off the devices and scooted down the bed in a more comfortable position, not wanting to disturb the sleeping figure cuddled into her. And before she could over think what was happening or talk herself out of staying, she closed her eyes and followed JJ into a blissful, comfortable sleep, only waking to the feeling of kisses on her neck hours later.


	4. Chapter 4

JJ opened her eyes to see the room dimly lit by the rising sun. She looked at the clock to see it was showing 6:32, meaning she fell asleep before she set her alarm, meaning she was late for work. Panic began to set in as she tried to kick off the sheets, only to feel an arm tighten around her waist. Confused, she turned over, seeing a sleeping brunette roll onto her back and groan, removing her arm from the blonde's torso. It slowly began to hit her that it was saturday and she didn't have to be back in her office until monday. She smiled as she looked at how peaceful the normally guarded and tough older woman is with the way she allowed herself to be so vulnerable with the blonde. They might not have slept together last night, but they definitely took a different, nerve-racking route.

The blonde knew that Emily could have easily slipped out while she was sleeping after turning down JJ's offer of sex. She knew Emily must have felt weird and somewhat guilty for saying no, but something must have come up during the night in order to keep her here. There must be something going through the older woman's mind to override her instinct to flee, even though the blonde made it clear that sex wasn't important to her. Or was that not clearly stated as much as she thought?

She looked at how the brunette stayed asleep, face pointing slightly away from her, arms spread out wide, one of them still wrapped around JJ's back, shirt raised up to reveal a sliver of skin with the cream colored sheets almost matching the skin around her waist.

Emily moved again this time shifting so her leg bent and t-shirt rose up even more, giving JJ a better look at the brunette's toned stomach. She bit her lip, scooting down as she gently placed her fingertips to the sliver of pale exposed skin when her lips pressed against the pulse point on the older woman's neck. She flattened out her hand over Emily's stomach, her hand slipping underneath the shirt. He rlps continued to kiss the brunette's neck as she began to squirm, sleepily opening her eyes. JJ chuckled softly as Emily's vision adjusted to her face, then gently kissed the corner of her mouth.

"I guess we slept all night." Emily's voice was raspy as she cleared her throat and smiled up at the blonde before allowing the younger woman to capture her lips in a real kiss. "Well, this is certainly a nice way to wake up." She brought her hand up to hook blonde hair behind an ear as they looked at each other in comfortable silence.

JJ smoothed her thumb over the abs beneath her, smiling. "You stayed."

Emily placed her hand on top of JJ's on her stomach, smiling as her other hand dragged her nails up and down her back gently. "Why would I leave?" The words slipped out before she could stop them, before she could think about them. She never even thought for a second that maybe JJ brought it up because she didn't want her to stay. Although, she couldn't exactly say for sure from the blonde's tone.

"Why did you stay?"

"You didn't tell me to leave." Emily shrugged, looking into JJ's eyes.

"Because I didn't want you to."

"Neither did I, so I stayed." The brunette shrugged again, searching the younger woman's eyes for a reason as to why she asked in the first place. Although, a part of her was glad JJ had asked so that it was now out in the open between the two. It made it so they could go about their day without having to worry why the brunette stayed or if she unknowingly overstayed her welcome.

The two women stayed silent, JJ cuddling in close to the older woman as she nuzzled her face into the crook of Emily's neck, sighing contently. It took her by surprise how immediately comfortable she is with the brunette. Well, she was always comfortable, considering they were friends, and coworkers before that, where they were forced to rely on each other when putting their lives on the line.

There were multiple times when JJ sought out Emily's voice in the field. Not that she didn't feel safe with the other male members of the team, because she did. But, there was something about having the brunette's voice in her ear, talking while walking through a suspected house to see if it is clear. She didn't know why Emily's voice was a comfort. Maybe because they are the only two females on the team that go out in the field, and she secretly draws strength from how unbelievably tough she is. Or maybe it's just because of her feelings toward the older woman. The confusing, overwhelming pull Emily has over her and somehow just having her voice makes her feel safe and protected; comfortable.

She didn't know what to make of with the thoughts running through her head, opting instead to focus on the way Emily's fingers traced up and down her back while the other one intertwined with hers on the older woman's stomach. JJ was starting to drift back to sleep, shifting so her ear was on the brunette's chest, listening to her steady heartbeat as she marveled in the feeling of comfort, safety, happiness.

Emily, on the other hand, glanced down to see blonde hair and feel JJ relax further into her embrace. The voice in the back of her mind told her that she needed to be careful. She could feel herself lowering the walls she spent years building up brick by brick so she could be in control of her heart. She was good at keeping her feelings down, holding them at bay until she knew for certain the other person felt the same way, or if it was safe to completely throw them away without anyone knowing they existed.

But then JJ happened. With her sun-kissed freckles, crystal blue eyes, contagious laugh and warm heart, she was willing to break any rules she made for herself, forgetting the way she normally dealt with her feelings. She was willing to do all of this to see those eyes sparkle and smile show when the blonde looked at her when they were alone; a look that held more meaning than one she would share with a coworker or just a friend. Emily knew as soon as the younger woman kissed her in her office that she was a goner. She wouldn't be able to keep her feelings for JJ a secret knowing the blonde also also felt something toward her. Whatever JJ wanted from her, or whatever they decided to do, Emily would do it without thinking, the younger woman already holding her heart.

Even through her mind and soul, every cell in her body knew she was slowly falling in love with the blonde currently drifting back to sleep in her arms, that little voice in the back of her head nagged and shoved its way into the front, screaming at the top of it's lungs that this was a bad idea. A horrible, career ruining, heart breaking, stomach wrenching, stear staining idea. They could not only lose their jobs, but end their friendship if it went badly, which could change the team dynamic which would change how the team worked and functioned, making everything awkward and it would never be the same. They would never be as great as they were so the serial killers would escape their grasps…

Maybe the voice was right, this was something that shouldn't happen between them, there was too much at risk. She should just untangle herself, tell JJ she needed to leave, and be on her merry way without ever looking back or thinking about this ever again. Then the younger woman looke dup at her with vulnerable eyes and a soft smile, silencing the outrageous voice and drawing her down to meet the blonde's lips in a sensual kiss. She felt JJ squeezing their intertwined fingers as she wiggled herself up closer to Emily's face so they could kiss more easily. But it was broken by JJ giggling from the sound of Emily's stomach rumbling.

"I think we should make some pancakes." The blonde bit her lower lip, feeling her own stomach start to protest the lack of food she has had.

Emily chuckled, looking at the rosy color the younger woman's cheeks had changed to when her stomach growled. She lifted her hand to move a strand of blonde hair out of a delicate face, hooking it behind an ear before gently pecking JJ's lips with hers. "Pancakes sound really good, but only if you make them."

The younger woman rolled her eyes as Emily gave her a smile that said she was trying to be cute. She gave the corner of the older woman's mouth a kiss and then slid off her, running her hand through her hair. Another blush creeped up her neck and face as she stood on one foot and played with the string holding up her sweats. She wasn't sure why, maybe the fact she spent the entire night wrapped in Emily's arms, but she was suddenly hot. From nerves or being shy, or embarrassed from not realizing the shirt she chose to throw on before the brunette arrived had an ice cream stain on it, but her body temperature was suddenly rising, her mind begging her to take off a layer in the summer heat that was seeping through the window, warming the room with the bright sun. "Do you mind if I take off my sweats? It's kinda hot in here…" She cleared her throat, awkwardly still leaning on one leg.

The brunette understood where JJ was coming from, feeling the heat herself with her body tangled in the sheets, left leg poking out of the mess that she managed to free last night without disturbing the blonde as she slept. She shook her head, her hand waving toward the well worn sweats that hugged JJ's hips expertly. "No, not at all. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable."

JJ found it ironic that she asked if she could stirp in front of Emily in her own apartment, and only even fathomed actually slipping out of her pants as long as Emily thought it was okay. Nonetheless, with the older woman's permission, she pushed the fabric down her hips and then stepped out of them, feeling instantly cooler. "Alright. Well, common Miss Lazy, we've got pancakes to make." She raised her hand, fingers spread and arm outstretched, waiting for the older woman to crawl out of the messy bed and take it to hold in her own.

But, instead, she wiggled free of the sheets and shimmied out of her own sweats, smiling when JJ raised an eyebrow at her. She shrugged, now her hand out in front of them. "Now we can both be comfortable." She smiled wider when the blonde took her hand. "Let's go make that food."

Emily followed JJ willingly out into the kitchen, going over to sit down as the blonde shook her head at the older woman's laziness. She would help the younger woman, but her mind was frozen in awe over the fact she actually woke up to the blonde kissing her. And, honestly, she wanted to watch JJ cook. The blonde looked comfortable walking around ash her bare feet patted on the floor, wearing nothing but underwear and a baggy t-shirt that not quite covered her cheeks, but felt just enough room for hints of black lace to poke out when moving around. If she could, she would make the younger woman switch shirts with her, just so she could watch JJ turn and smile at her while donning the brunette's well-worn FBI clothing that was on her own body. Even thinking that someday soon it might happen sent chills down her spine and butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

She watched as the younger woman finished getting the ingredients together before clicking the stove on and turning around to smile at her again. Emily smiled back, and then noticed how quiet it was in the small room. She started to panic, feeling exposed now that the blonde was looking at her intently and she was without pants, even though it was her decision in order to help the younger woman feel more comfortable. JJ was about to say something as something in the corner of Emily's eye caught her attention. There wasn't much in the kitchen, or the apartment for that matter, but the old looking thing stood out to her.

She got up from the makeshift kitchen table thrown together by folding chairs and a card table, Will having taken the actual dining table when he moved out, and walked up to it. It was an old radio from what seemed like the 1950s, all retro with its baby blue color and faded white knobs. She picked it up to examine it as JJ spoke up.

"I found it a year ago, from that bookstore we found that one day on our lunch break." The blonde slowly walked up to Emily, arms folded as she nodded toward the radio. "I dragged Will to it when we first started dating." She laughed, thinking of something in her head. "I showed it to him and he hated it, so I bought it anyway."

Emily turned it over again in her hands. "I love it. Does it work?"

The younger woman shrugged, going back to the now hot stove, pouring batter on the pan. "I never go it to. I was actually going to give it to you if it did, as a birthday gift, but then we decided to go to the spa, so I kept it."

The brunette fiddled with the old machine, taking it apart and adding batteries she found when searching through drawers in the kitchen. "Wait, so you kept my birthday present for yourself?"

JJ flipped the pancake over, not paying attention to what the brunette was doing. "Well, I looked up a place that does radio repairs, and I was going to take it to get it fixed, and then give it to you. I just haven't had time." The room grew quiet again, Emily lost in messing with the machine. As the blonde poured more batter onto the pan, she heard a crackle and then static, turning around to see Emily twisting the knobs, looking for a station. "How?"

Her question was drowned out by Ed Sheeran, his voice wafting through the air from the speaker on the ancient box. The two women looked at each other and smiled, JJ putting down the spatula in her hand when she saw the brunette place the radio on the card table and gracefully moved toward her, pulling her into her embrace when scooping the blonde up in her arms.

" _So,honey now! Take me into your loving arms."_ The blonde blushed as the older woman slowly spun them in a circle, keeping the younger woman close as she gently sang the words to her. " _Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars, place your head on my beating heart._ "

JJ allowed the brunette to spin her out and then back in so now her back was to Emily's front as they swayed. She turned her head and closed her eyes, smiling, feeling how amazing it is to dance barefoot in the kitchen with someone. Will never did anything close to this with her. But with Emily, she felt so light and carefree and that she should expect random, enjoyable, picture worthy moments with the older woman.

" _I'm thinking out loud that…_ " Emily spun her back around so they were facing each other again. " _Maybe we found love right where we are._ " They stopped swaying as JJ moved her face closer to Emily's rubbing their noses together as they shared the same oxygen in the tiny area around them. " _And maybe, we found love right where we are…_ "

 _And we found love right where we are._

Emily let her voice dorp as the lyrics faded from her lips, the blonde removing the space between them with a simple kiss. It was gentle, and then became more passionate as Emily pushed her lips into JJ's more as the song came to a close. They both left the kiss smiling with doe-eyed looks between the two, rosy cheeks to match their beating hearts.

When the next song started playing, the younger woman remembered what she was originally doing, slipping out of Emily's arms to quickly flip the almost burning pancake. The older woman went back to the make-shift dining table and picked up the old radio, placing it back on the shelf, satisfied with how it looked in the minimally decorated room.

"Well, looks like I should have just give to you after all, handyman." The blonde smiled, pouring the last of the batter on to the pan. She couldn't deny the butterflies in her stomach, but wanted a little more time to figure them out before saying anything to Emily. She needed to come up with a way to get Emily to stay with her a little longer today. "I guess there is no point in making you wait until your birthday now… make sure to take it when you leave."

The brunette frowned. She wanted to leave the radio right where she found it so that the younger woman thought of her every time she walked past it and saw it out of the corner of her eye. Plus, it's been sitting on this shelf for so long, it has become a part of it; this is where it belongs. "Why don't you keep the radio and instead, you take me somewhere I haven't been to in awhile."

"Well…" JJ shoveled the last pancake off the pan and shut off the heat, turning her attention to the coffee machine on the other side of the stove, near where Emily stood. The music filled the previous silence as she walked over into dangerous territory. "I can just do that today."

Emily felt relief wash over her when the younger woman didn't argue with her, and also felt joyful when the younger woman suggested they spend the day together, the thought of being with her longer rather than going home alone sounded much better. But, as soon ass JJ got within arms distance,s he wrapped her arms around the petite body as she saw the blonde bit her lower lip, nervous. She waited until the younger woman started up the machine before closing in on her and wrapping her arms around tighter around JJ. "And, what exactly did you have in mind for today?"

The younger woman smiled as she twisted so she faced the brunette, a mischievous look on her face. "It's a surprise."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hello all! So I think i'm starting to get back into the swing of things with this story, although I only really write when I have motivation to do so, hence the sporadic uploading. But I hope you enjoy this chapter!**_

"I can't believe you got me to agree to this." Emily was a bit unstable, her ankles wobbling as she clutched onto the blonde in front of her that seemed to have no problem with gliding backwards to help keep the older woman stable.

It was JJ's brilliant idea to bring them to the ice rink for some skating. She had no real idea what the duo would do that day, but she knew she wanted to keep Emily by her side, and when the brunette said something she hadn't done in awhile, she immediately thought of this. JJ had remembered the brunette mentioning it to Morgan a few weeks ago on their flight home, but didn't' think anything of it until this morning. Now they were both covered in warm layers, strapped into ice skates, and were slowly making their way around the rink.

It wasn't too crowded in the cold room, a few groups of teenagers taking advantage of their summer vacation and a few families scattered throughout the place, parents teaching small children how to skate while wearing big puffy jackets. Every time someone passed by the two of them, Emily stopped her movements, allowing the blonde to pull her along until the coast was clear and she decided to move her feet again. JJ thought it was cute, how bundled up the brunette was with her jacket and beanie, clinging on to her like her life depended on it whenever a little kid moved past her. She could see fear and excitement mixing in the dark brown eyes, a flash of a smile before a terrified expression. It made JJ laugh.

"Oh, come on." JJ said, keeping her stance wide so if the other woman would to slip, her skates would go through her legs instead of colliding with them. "You said you wanted to do something you hadn't done in awhile."

"Yeah, _awhile._ Not… _years._ " She stumbled slightly and her grip on JJ's forearms tightened as she recovered herself. "The last time I did this I was living in Germany."

Emily make a squealing noise as a group of laughing teenagers maneuvered themselves around the duo, causing the older woman to stumble and lean into the blonde. JJ wrapped her arms around the brunette's torso and held her up, laughing while Emily got her footing. She took a deep breath, and then started laughing along with the blonde. Her head rested on JJ's shoulder as the two of them laughed together in the middle of the rink, people skating around them.

Once the older woman regained herself, she lifted her head and her eyes automatically found blue ones, captured by their intensity. JJ pulled Emily in closer, feeling the electricity running through her veins once again as she characteristically bit her lower lip, feeling the brunette move her hands to her hips. Their breath mingled in the cold, flowing together in one puff of vapor in between them as their hearts began beating heavily in their chest. Brown orbs dilated to form two black circles, matching the blue ones in front of her. The blonde leaned in closer to the older woman, eyes closing as she felt Emily's warm breath drawing closer to her face. There was a shriek, both women looking up to see a little girl wearing a pink jacket being picked up a man who they assumed to be her father, by the way she was laughing and yelling at him to put her down.

With the moment broken, Emily moved away from the younger woman slightly, clearing her throat as she dropped her hands from JJ's hips. She couldn't believe she was about to kiss the blonde in the middle of a crowded place. Someone from work could have seen, a few of her coworkers who have kids frequent the building during the hot season to cool down their family. How could she be so careless to think she could just kiss JJ out in the open when they were just supposed to be friends with a deal? A deal that had yet to be fully established, which was something she needed to bring up to the younger woman before she left later.

"We should um…" She cleared her throat again, JJ shaking her head as she emerged from her side of the spell. "We should keep skating… we're kinda in the way here."

The blonde nodded, swallowing. Her mind was running through the same questions as Emily's, and she didn't know how to handle everything except to turn around and stand next to the older woman as they started moving again, the brunette gliding over the ice perfectly. "Looks like that muscle memory kicked in."

Emily laughed nervously, shrugging. "Yeah, guess it did."

They skated in silence for a few moments before a man wearing all black holding the hand of the little girl they saw earlier skated in front of them. "Hey guys." He said, smiling, the little girl holding onto his hand tightly. "You okay Prentiss? Almost took a nasty fall over there."

The two women froze in their tracks, eyes wide as they realized they had almost kissed right in front of a colleague. Thankfully he was too invested in his daughter to see what came after Emily's almost topple, help them to relax slightly and continue moving.

"Oh, yeah. Lost my footing." Emily waved him off, seeing JJ bite her lower lip out of the corner of her eye. She tried to shoot the blonde a warning look, but the little girl spoke up, taking everyone's attention.

"Daddy! You said no talking to people from work!" She jutted out her bottom lip, pouting.

The man laughed, rolling his eyes. "I know, sweetie, but you can't be rude to people you know either. I just wanted to stop by and say hi, and now that I have… I'll race ya!" The girl smiled, shrieking again as she took off to the best of her ability and the man waved at the women, following after his daughter.

Emily visibly relaxed, letting out a breath she didn't knew she was holding. JJ, on the other hand, started laughing, reaching for the older woman's arm when she gave her a confused look. "Is it bad that…" JJ laughed again, and then took a deep breath, focusing herself. "Is it bad that almost getting caught really turned me on?"

"JJ! Are you serious right now? He's right there!"

"Oh, come on, Emily." She shoved the brunette's shoulder a little. "He's too busy with his daughter to hear our conversation. And you can't stand there and tell me you aren't a little turned on as well. I mean, this… what we have between us… is supposed to be a distraction right? Well, seeing someone from work is pretty much the opposite of distraction, and knowing he could have caught us just… I don't know… makes me want to have you right here right now…"

Emily blinked, feeling someone shake her lightly. "Emily? Did you hear me?"

"What?" She shook her head, seeing the blonde looking at her with concern.

"I asked you if you wanted to get out of here. More people from work are showing up and I'm kinda hungry." JJ continued to eye the older woman, wondering where she went a few seconds ago.

"Oh, yeah, sure. Food sounds good." She swallowed, following the blonde out of the rink. Had she just imagined that whole conversation with JJ? Why? She knew that wasn't something JJ would say, at least not when she was sober and out in public, where people they worked with, that weren't their team, could hear. Could it be that her subconscious was telling her that she wished she took the opportunity last night? It was no secret to herself that she's thought about sleeping with JJ on more than one occasion, but last night just didn't feel right. And the blonde respected that, so why did she feel like she lost out on something? Why did she just suddenly want the blonde? Was this thing between them really just a distraction or something more?

She sighed, putting an end to her questions by deciding to ask JJ to clarify what they were doing at lunch. Or, hopefully at lunch, if no one they knew popped up. In fact, she wanted to make it a sure thing. "Hey, Jay? Let's go to that pizza place we found when we found the old bookstore."

JJ smiled, sitting down on a bench to unlace her skates. "That sounds like a great idea."

XXXXXXXX

"You're staring." JJ smiled as she took a swig of her beer, setting it down on the worn out wooden table.

They had finished eating their slices of pizza, and were finishing up their drinks before heading over to the bookstore. Emily had occupied herself the entire hour by alternating between nursing her beer, staring at JJ, nibbling on her food until it was gone, and using her free hand to pick at the old, cracked, red seat cushion that covered their booth. The place smelled as they remembered, fresh pizza and spilled beer, but the brunette couldn't help but smell the younger woman's perfume two feet away from her. She had managed to capture a table in the back corner of the restaurant, dark enough so people walking around the place couldn't really see who was occupying the seats, but light enough for piercing blue eyes to show, making Emily's heart stop each time they connected with her own.

"Em, what's wrong? You haven't said a word since we left the ice rink." JJ moved over the two feet in the booth so she was right next to the older woman, sitting with her knee bent on the cushion, placed so it was touching Emily's thigh. "Did I say something?"

The brunette shook her head. She's been trying for the past hour to start up the conversation about their arrangement, but didn't know how to just… bring it up. She drained the last of her beer and looked at the woman sitting next to her, worry etched across her features. "No, Jay. You didn't say anything."

"Okay…" She placed her hand on Emily's where the brunette was still picking at the seat, yellowish foam littering the red around them. She held on firmly when the older woman tried to yank away, fear flashing through her. "Em, it's okay. No one is here. No one can see. What's going on?"

Emily sighed, running a hand through her hair, then regretted her decision since her fingers were still covered in grease. She would have to shower later to get the pizza out of her hair, either back at her place, or JJ's. She shook her head, clearing her mind of the thought. She needed to focus. "It's just…" She sighed again. "What are we doing JJ?"

"Mmm… What do you mean?" The blonde cocked her head and squinted her eyes.

"I mean us. Is this really just a distraction?" She expected the younger woman to pull her hand away, but instead, the grip tightened.

"Em…" The blonde sighed this time, looking down at her lap. She had been asking the same questions all morning. She knew that being around Emily made her happy, but she wasn't sure if that was just because she was lonely from not having Will around anymore. She had concluded long ago that even glancing into the older woman's eyes set her mind at ease, made the world stop turning for a few seconds so she could breathe. But, was this all for her own selfishness, or was she really beginning to have feelings for the brunette again? "In a way, it is a distraction. Like I said before, you make my mind go numb. But… I also just like spending time with you. You… make me happy."

"Happy in what way, JJ? I mean, how good of a distraction can I be if I chickened out on sex?" The words surprised her, but they definitely rang true, even if she didn't know she had been thinking it. She did feel guilty that they didn't have sex and it confused her how if all JJ wanted was a distraction, they why hadn't she attempted to go again? Why had she just spent time with her all day?

JJ shook her head, squeezing Emily's hand. "Em, no. I don't care that we didn't have sex. I'm not here just to have sex with you. Just being around you and talking to you is enough to get my mind off my life, off work, and think about something nice for a change. I like being with you. Sex would just be bonus." She shrugged. There was more on her mind, more she wanted to say. She wanted to tell Emily that she was developing feelings, that she wasn't just a distraction, but an addiction, what seemed like a happy ending for her. But, she kept her mouth shut. For some reason, she wanted this to work out between them, she wanted to be with Emily for a long time, but she wasn't sure if Emily felt the same way, and until she got proof from the older woman, her mouth would stay shut. "What do you… Um… what do you think?"

The older woman bit her lower lip, thinking. She could tell her about her insecurity about being guilty for not giving JJ sex, but the blonde had just made it clear she didn't care if they had sex or not. She could tell her she was developing feelings, but didn't want to disclose that information just yet. Suddenly, she had no idea what to tell the younger woman, what information to give her that would put JJ's mind at ease, but also satisfy her worries. Yes, she agreed with the blonde, sex shouldn't be a big deal. She also felt the same way JJ did, she just wanted to be around her. Honestly, she would go anywhere and do anything JJ wanted. She felt taken by the blonde, her fingers twitched to touch skin, lips ached to kiss lips, body buzzed with electricity just being near her. She wanted JJ, now, and for a long time.

Emily turned her hand over, intertwining their fingers together as her free hand went up to cup the younger woman's face as she leaned in close to kiss her before she lost her nerve. It was soft, JJ kissing her back as the world around them once again stopped. When the tender kiss was over, Emily pulled back enough to look into blue eyes, whispering just enough for JJ to hear. "I like being with you too." She quickly stole another kiss and then scooted out of the booth, holding her hand out for the blonde. "We should hit that bookstore before it gets too late."

The younger woman smiled, taking Emily's hand and walking out of the restaurant with her. Once out in public, JJ hooked her elbow with the brunette's and made their way to the small store. The bell chimed when it was pushed open, signaling their arrival. The smell of old and dust filled their senses, lights dimmed, giving the place an odd feeling. The blonde stepped into the store first, looking over her shoulder to smile at Emily, setting butterflies fluttering in her stomach as she followed the blonde's footsteps farther into the hidden gem.

The older woman watched as JJ moved through the rows gracefully, every now and then pulling out a book to look through it, touch the worn hardcover, then put it back and continue looking. She followed the woman as she slowly zig-zagged up and down aisles, entranced with the books in front of her. At some point they found their way to the back of the store, Emily's hand finding JJ's and intertwining their fingers. They were the only two in the store, besides the store worker who was rearranging a shelf in the middle of the store. It was quiet, the old carpet under their feet showed paths of others throughout the years, and dust was being inhaled by both women, but neither of them cared.

They stood in the back, facing a case full of antique nicknacks that once were treasured items in households around the city. The blonde reached for a camera, beaten up with a cracked screen, but still pressed the button, hearing it click. Emily watched as blue eyes lit up, a smile forming on a soft face. She reached over and gently took the camera out of JJ's hand, turned and walked up to the front desk, paying for the object. The younger woman watched the exchange of goods in shock before meeting Emily at the front of the store when she waved for her.

No words were exchanged between the duo as they made their way back to JJ's apartment. Once inside, Emily walked into the kitchen and placed the camera next to the radio, pleased with herself. JJ came up behind her, placing her arms around Emily's waist and her chin on her shoulder, smiling. "I think we should watch a movie." The older woman nodded, letting the blonde take her hand and drag her into the living room.

XXXXXXXX

She ran her hand through damp hair. She had yet again taken a shower at JJ's, wanting desperately to get the pizza grease out of her hair. She changed back into the pajamas she wore the night before and sat down on the bed waiting for the blonde who was just now getting out of the shower. There was a small part of her that wanted to ask the younger woman before she took her shower if she wanted to join Emily in hers, but she figured the blonde could use some alone time to think without the presence of another person. With their movie finished and dinner ordered, eaten, and discarded into the trash, both women were tired. Plus their muscles ached from skating earlier in the day.

Emily about jumped when the blonde opened the bathroom door holding her shirt in front of her, covering her breasts. "Can you put the ointment on?" She held up the small tube, sitting in front of the brunette on the bed.

The older woman took the tube from JJ, uncapping it as she looked at the burn scar on the blonde's back. It was almost healed, still a little pink and puffy, but more scar than burn now. She gently took her fingers and ran them over the raised skin, feeling JJ shiver from the contact. They both knew what happened the last time they were in this position, and before any sudden movements could happen, Emily put some ointment on her finger and smoothed it over the scar, rubbing it in as the blonde released a sigh of relief.

"Does it still hurt?" Emily whispered, capping the tube again while the blonde slipped her shirt on.

"Only when my skin is dry. And in this head, I think its gonna hurt a little more than it should. But the doctor said that was normal." The blonde waited until Emily put the ointment down on the side table next to her bed before lay down flat, eyes staring up at the beautiful woman next to her. "I'm glad you're staying tonight."

The older woman smiled, cuddling in close to the blonde. "Me too."

Neither of them realized how truly exhausted they were from the day's activities and their earlier conversation. It had taken a lot out of them both, and within minutes the two fell asleep in each other's arms, only to be woken by JJ screaming out in terror.


	6. Chapter 6

**_It is with a heavy heart that I upload this today. I want to take a second and ask you to keep Christina Grimmie's family and friends in your prayers... The world lost a beautiful soul today. May everyone stay safe and happy._**

 ** _Now for some good news... a new update. Enjoy._**

JJ took a deep breath. Her com had shut off. Ried was in the living room unconscious. She was upstairs by herself, no contact with her team, looking over her shoulder every other step, and her arms were aching from keeping her gun up and ready to shoot. She kept hearing the floor creak in the far room, shifting over someone's weight. The house was old, however, and could just be settling. But something in her gut told her other wise.

She took a shaky step, her heart beat echoing throughout her body, a thin line of sweat covering her, all senses on high alert. She willed herself to breathe quieter, step softer, move swifter. If she could get to the door, open it, and clear the room, she'd be able to use her cell phone and call the rest of her team as she attends to Ried downstairs. She had to get there first.

The ground squeaked under her feet and she stopped, holding her breath. When she felt it was safe to keep moving, she went slower, softer, making it to the door without another incident. Her heart hammered in her chest as heard static in her ear, no doubt her com trying to connect back to everyone else. Her phone vibrated on her hip, the noise echoing throughout the hall. She quickly hit it, silencing any sound that could come from her phone in the future.

Sweat continued to drip down her back, her forehead, her palms, as she took one jittery hand off her weapon and onto the door handle, turning it slowly. In one smooth motion, she opened the door, held her gun out in front of her, and quickly darted her eyes across the room, seeing nothing at first. She took a few tentative steps in the darkness, turning to her left to go deeper into the room. She didn't see the closet off to her right. She didn't hear it open. She didn't notice the man behind her.

Then, there was burning sensation on her back. Something hot as fire burned through her clothes and vest, touching her skin in a loud sizzling sound. She dropped to her knees, crying out in pain as the weapon slipped from her gun. Her body was pushed forward, onto her hands as another source of heat was pressed into the same spot on her back, making her scream again, louder this time.

Tears were streaming down her face as she fell onto her side, throat raw from howling out of severe discomfort. Her com gave out a high-pitched noise as it was ripped from her body, sending a shooting pain through her head. She moaned, sight blurry and limbs throbbing, unable to move out of the pulsing heating centered on her back. There was a bang as the door flung open, heavy feet moving to where she was as a low, powerful voice boomed through the room. _Morgan_. She felt relief, hearing him order the man to drop the weapon.

Then there was a pop. Through blurry double vision she saw the face of her teammate, a bullet hole in the middle of his forehead. The cold barrel of a gun pressed to her temple, as it fired and her world went black.

XXXXXXXX

Emily was awoken by screaming. Piercing noise drew her out of her slumber as she looked over to see a thrashing JJ, the sound coming out of her twisted body. She instantly knew the blonde was having a nightmare, yelling her name as she crawled on top of the younger woman, holding her hands above her head. The blonde finally opened her eyes as she tried to pull her hands away, fear flooding her body from being restrained. "JJ! Stop! It's okay! You're okay!" Blue eyes connected with brown ones, blinking rapidly as her breathing staggered. Tears filled JJ's eyes instantly, breaking down as Emily released her grip and pulled the younger woman into her arms. "Shh… It's okay. I'm here."

It took a few minutes for the younger woman to calm down, curled tightly into Emily as she gripped onto her, fear still running through her head. She was safe, in her home, in her bed, in Emily's arms. Morgan killed the unsub, not the other way around. Emily had come to her rescue as she laid on the floor in pain, she wasn't shot in the head. She was in her own bed in the safety of Emily's protection. It was just a nightmare. When her breathing finally returned back to normal, she wiggled away from the brunette just enough to look up at her through swollen eyes.

"You had a nightmare." Emily ran her hands through the blonde hair, kissing a sweat damp forehead. "Was it about the burn?" JJ nodded, tears welling up again as the older agent shushed her. "You're okay."

Without thinking, the blonde's response to this was to kiss Emily. A rough, fear-induced kiss that made the two knock teeth. The older woman pulled back, then continued the embrace in a softer, deeper exchange, letting the younger one take the lead. She felt her fear slowly start to drift away, allowing the taste and feel of Emily's mouth flow through her like the wind at the beach, a refreshing wave for her soul.

At some point, the older woman ended up on top of JJ again, this time straddling her hips as they continued to kiss and hands roamed to finger the edge of her shirt. JJ broke away from her, looking at the brunette with darkened eyes, fear replaced by want. "I think we could use that distraction now." It was whispered between them, Emily's shirt slowly being pushed up her body until she nodded and allowed the younger woman to lift it completely off her body.

Emily moved so she was lying next to the blonde, giving JJ time to pull her own shirt over her head and toss it to the side of the bed. They were under the covers in a moon lit room, just light enough to make out subtle features. She ran a hand up a toned stomach and cupped a firm breast, feeling the younger woman shiver as a moan escaped her lips. The older woman shimmied out of her pants and underwear, getting them lost under the covers as she straddled the blonde's thigh, lips going to JJ's pulse point. She sucked on the skin gently, grazing her teeth over the red spot, making the woman below her growl in pleasure.

JJ lifted her leg to allow the brunette some leverage to put pressure on, the younger woman breathing rapidly from feeling Emily's juices being rubbed against her, turning her on. She had her own pool of warmth gathering between her legs, aching to be touched. Her heart pounded as she pushed the rest of her clothing off her body, then used her hands to keep Emily close to her. The older woman's hand was roaming the front of her body, memorizing each muscle and curve with a feather light touch, making the woman below her squirm.

Their breath intertwined together, sharing oxygen as they kissed. JJ ran her hands up and down the brunette's back, Emily moving hers closer to the center of the blonde's warmth. "Em…" JJ whispered. "Please"

Emily smiled, kissing down the younger woman's jaw as she moved her hand to feel the smooth skin of JJ's thigh. She ran her nails gently up and down the inside of her thigh, watching as the blonde bit her lip and arched her back slightly, a moan slipping out of her mouth. The brunette kissed JJ's jaw joint, right below her ear. She growled when she felt the blonde's hands go to her hips, pulling her body closer to rub down on the thigh. "Tell me what you want."

"You." It was barely audible, but the blonde had said it. "I want you, Emily. I want to

feel you." Her eyes were closed and her body limp, letting the feeling Emily was causing to course through her veins, quickly getting her addicted to the brunette's fingers and mouth.

The older woman moved her lips to capture the blonde's, her hand finally slipping where JJ needed it most, moving between folds and circling a clit. The younger woman's breathy, quiet moans filled the air, a consistent sound as Emily inserted her fingers inside her entrance. It was slow, the older woman stopping her hip movements as she paid close attention to the way the younger woman sounded and looked, watching in fascination as she brought JJ to the edge, feeling hands move from her hips to wrap around her back and intertwine in her hair.

JJ didn't expect for Emily to make her feel this good. Make her completely forget where she was and make her only focus on the brunette's lips, touch, essence. She could feel Emily's soul reaching out and touching hers, feel Emily giving her everything, and it transmitted into her. The blonde took in everything Emily sent her way, receiving and giving back as reactions, her body buzzing with a high she's never felt before. It started in her center and spread outwards, making her body go rigid as she lifted off the bed, then slam down when she felt everything hit her at once. She could feel the brunette's name on her lips, telling her to keep going, letting her feel it in every corner of her body until she couldn't breathe.

When she was done, Emily slowly pulled her fingers away, quickly licked them clean, then cuddled into the younger woman as she breathed, trying to regain sense of reality. The blonde laughed, eyes heavy when looking at the older woman. She captured lips, sluggishly snaking her hand between their bodies to reach wetness, switching sides. She swallowed moans from the woman on top of her, to weak to move her hand so Emily moved her body.

"Move a little further down." Emily lifted her hips slightly, allowing the younger woman to move and push her fingers inside, having just enough energy to curl them every time Emily thruster forward.

JJ could feel Emily tighten around her fingers, feel her hot breath on her neck, hear the high pitched whine in her ear as she reached her peak. It didn't last as long as hers did, and because of that she didn't feel satisfied. She wanted Emily to enjoy it at much as she had.

Once the older woman caught her breath, JJ carefully flipped them, one of her hands immediately intertwining with Emily's above her head. Their lips danced together as JJ straddled the brunette's hips, her free hand moving her breasts. "Jay… Wait. What are you doing?"

The younger woman stopped once she heard the uncertainty in Emily's voice, concern showing on her face. "It's your turn."

"But I just came like five minutes ago so technically it would be your turn." Emily's free hand moved up and down JJ's side, nails tickling the blonde.

"I know but… I just… I know I can do better, give you better than… _that_." She was suddenly embarrassed, shying away from Emily in attempt to hide her pink cheeks. "I mean only if you want to of course because I don't want to push you or make you feel uncomfortable I just want you to feel as good as I do because-"

Emily cut her off with a kiss, squeezing her hand. "You always make me feel good, Jay." She smiled, pecking her lips before continuing. "But I'm not going to stop you if you want to… _do better_ , so to speak. As long as what you're doing is making you forget about everything."

This made JJ smirk. "Trust me, Em. When you have a beautiful woman naked beneath you, you're mind isn't on much else." The brunette let out a laugh that turned into a low moan when the younger woman took her nipple in her mouth. A tongue rolled over it as her other one was carefully squeezed. Then the sensation was gone, lips heading down south as they left a trail of open, wet hot kisses to her center.

Emily bent her legs and spread them, allowing the blonde to have room for what she was about to do, her fingers already tangled in yellow hair. She took a sharp intake of breath, taken by surprise at how quickly JJ went for it, tongue cleaning her of her first release before beginning to build her back up again. She didn't even need to guide the younger woman in what pleased her the most. It was as if JJ already knew, already had it all mapped out perfectly before diving in.

It didn't take her long either, before she was teetering on the edge. Maybe it was all those years imagining what this moment would feel like, having JJ's tongue against her center, licking, nibbling, driving her insane. She took deep breaths, trying to make it last as long as possible, her arms aching from refusing to push the magical mouth closer into her, but the blonde took care of it herself. JJ gave her so much stimulation that even if Emily wanted to, she couldn't hold it in, her body going hot in a flash. "JJ!" It was louder than she normally is, and for a split second she worried someone would hear, but that unsettled feeling quickly vanished as she rode out the waves washing through her.

She shook as the blonde cleaned her up, Emily's arms loosely hanging over her body as she moved up once she was finished. She swallowed, cleared her throat, and then continued trying to breathe, soaking in JJ's warmth and gentle kisses on her neck and face. Emily could tell the younger woman was proud of herself, smiling as she laid on her back next to the brunette.

"Told you." The older woman chuckled, motioning for JJ to get on her side. Emily scooted close to the blonde, holding the younger woman from behind as she gently kissed her neck.

"How do you feel?" She whispered it into blonde hair, nuzzling in close to her. She herself felt a mixture between satisfied, exhausted, bliss and happiness. She knew she should be worried about what she was feeling toward the woman in her arms, worried that she was falling in love, but she could careless about anything other than JJ feeling good.

JJ pressed her back up against the older woman, getting as close as possible before answering, her hands wrapping around Emily's. "Like I can sleep peacefully."

Emily groaned sleepily in response. "I always sleep peacefully when you're in my arms." And this actually wasn't a lie. There has been many times when one of them has gotten injured and requested the other to stay with them in the hospital or overnight at their place. Not only for a feeling of safety, but for comfort, for understanding. Both women tried hard not to let the boys seem them cry, but each other was a different story. They had a bond they couldn't make with the rest of the team, because as much as they tried, they couldn't understand what it was like in the field for them like JJ and Emily did. The murdered women, rape victims, hormones rushing through them every month when talking families of victims. All of this bottled up emotion came out during those late nights they kept secret, sleeping side by side.

Those nights were probably what planted the seed for this to begin, for whatever was between them to be nursed and grown into what it is now and what it might become. Although neither of them would comment on it, the one secret between them they acknowledge silently and pretend doesn't exist.

"Me too." JJ whispered it into the night, squeezing the brunette's arms tightly around her, her eyes becoming heavy.

Emily waited until she could hear the younger woman fall into a deep sleep, kissing a bare shoulder before speaking the words she never thought she would say. "I think I'm falling for you, Jay. Completely and utterly falling. Yours now and forevermore more, or for as long as you'll have me." She let her eyes close, sleep taking her as she breathed in the scent of JJ, not waking until a phone began to ring.


	7. Chapter 7 (revamp of original chapter 1)

_**So this is the original first chapter. I took it and decided to place it here. Its the same exact chapter as before, just has a paragraph added at the bottom to tie it into the story currently. The story will continue on its path, I just didn't like this chapter sitting up in front of the story so I decided to move it somewhere else. Also, this entire chapter is Emily's dream.**_

She sighed, dropping the file onto the table in frustration. She looked around the room at her teammates to see them either dozing off or staring down at a file they have looked over a million times. She needed coffee. No one noticed her love her chair back and stand up, or they were just too tired to care. Everyone except for JJ, who followed Emily out of the room. Once the brunette reached the coffee pot, she noticed it was empty, releasing another frustrated sigh. She mumbled under her breath as she started to prepare a new batch of caffeine, feeling a soft hand glide across her lower back, not even daring to look up, already knowing who the hand belonged too.

Of course, she tried to ignore the blonde as she turned, leaning on the counter with her back to the wall, arms folded over her chest. Emily scrunched her nose in what looked like to be annoyance at the antique coffee pot, but she was actually trying to not catch a whiff of JJ's perfume. The only reason the younger woman wore it was because she knew Emily liked it. Couple the scent with JJ's slim fitting black pants and purple shirt unbuttoned just enough to leave the mind wondering, and she knew the older woman was going insane. Which was exactly what she wanted.

JJ shook her hair, letting it fall over her shoulders and out of her face, clearing her throat as she looked across the room. "You wanna come over tonight?"

Emily kept her eyes on the white pot, finally hitting the right button to turn it on. "We aren't supposed to drink while on cases, JJ."

The blonde shifted, unfolding her arms to place her hand on the counter, her pinky finger positioned over the older woman's thumb. "Oh, come on, Em. You and I both know we won't be catching this guy tonight."

She stared at how slow the coffee dripped into the pot, willing it to go faster so she didn't have to stand here and feel how close the blonde was to her. "Isn't your room next to Morgan's?"

"No." Her voice lowered as she turned her body to face Emily's, breath hot on the side of the brunette's face. To the outside eye, it looked like the two colleagues were talking something over in hushed tones. Only the two of them could see the way JJ's hand trailed up and down Emily's arm gently, sending shivers down the brunette's spine. "He moved, something about a broken heater…" She shrugged, biting her lower lip. "I have the floor to myself."

Emily swallowed, the pot was almost full. "I don't know, Jay. It doesn't sound like a good idea."

JJ could hear the lie in the brunette's voice. She knew Emily wanted it as much as her, she just had to get the older woman on board. Another small push should do it. "You know you want to. Even I can tell you need a little distraction." She slid her hand up to the older woman's waist, hooking her first finger in the belt loop, tugging the brunette closer to her. "I saw a small market down the road, I'll stop there before I head to the hotel… Get your favorite…"

Emily sighed, letting herself finally look at the gorgeous woman. Her gaze jumped from perfect lips to hypnotizing blue eyes, then back to the coffee, which was finally ready. "I'll be there at nine."

The blonde smiled, removing her hand from Emily's waist to brush her fingers across the bracelet she had given the older woman as a gift to say thank you for everything she, "does," for the blonde. "See you at nine." She whispered, dragging her hand across Emily's back again as she left.

The older woman sighed once more, grabbing a mug to pour the fresh caffeine. She knew she wasn't going to get much sleep tonight anyway.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emily looks both ways down the dimly lit hallway before looking at the door. She had seen the blonde leave the station an hour ago, assuming she was going to get the alcohol. Now, however, it was nine and after spending 30 minutes arguing with herself, she was currently standing in front of JJ's door, the worn-out rusty red carpet shifting under her feet. It smelled dusty, like the hotel had been locked up for years before someone decided to open it again, complete with creaky doors and flickering lights, things that would freak out normal people, but she wasn't what someone would consider "normal."

She shook her head, starting to walk away as a bad feeling crept up her spine. They had made a deal when this thing first started between them, both of them deciding to never bring up the idea while on a case, and to never, ever, speak of it outside their custom-made universe. But, JJ did have the floor to herself, which meant no other members of the BAU would come snooping around to knock on her door for various reasons. Emily even made sure to double check on that herself before coming up here. However, they had originally made the deal at Emily's after they had woken up hungover from one too many shots of tequila while out celebrating the closing of a case. It was so they wouldn't get distracted when they were trying to catch a murder. But, who was Emily trying to fool? She was distracted just by watching the younger women all day, and their little talk at the coffee pot only set Emily's hormones into motion, more than they already were. She guess that, getting to be with JJ this way was better than not being with her at all, even if that did mean breaking the one and only golden rule. She couldn't deny it, she was an addict, and her drug of choice was the blonde on the other side of the door.

With a deep breath, she shook out her arms as if she was getting ready to run a marathon. She lifted her hand to knock, counting a total of three seconds before the door swung open with a loud squeak and a hand pulled her inside, lips attacking her own in a hungry rush. Then, it was gone, a powerful storm flooding her cells as soon as the blonde slips from her grasp and walks across the room. Her head ached from the sudden rush and the itching in her hands had her following the younger women to where she stood, pouring the dark whiskey in hotel glasses. Emily sat down in one of the ugly pink chairs located in the corner of the room, trying not to think of the amount of hidden germs sealed into the fabric, eyes on the way JJ moved, blue shirt unbuttoned to reveal the top of a black bra, golden hair loose and falling in front of a freckled face.

"Your favorite." JJ handed the glass to the brunette, taking a swig when Emily did. The cheap bottle was in the center of the small round table, the top of the wood full of scratches and dents. The air was musky, the lights low, turning the light brown walls into a cave of browns and black shadows. The younger woman watched Emily, smiling as she crossed her arm over her chest, hand on her elbow to keep the class close to her lips. They were both waiting for the alcohol to make its way through the brunette's veins, loosening her up bit by bit.

Emily closed her eyes as she tipped the glass up, downing the rest of the liquid. She winced as it burned down her throat, but held it out for JJ to refill, repeating the action a second time. After the second glass, she placed it on the table, pointing to the bottle nervously. "Can't believe they actually had it."

The blonde laughed, finishing off her portion of the liquid. She was able to hold her alcohol pretty well, but next to Emily, she was considered a lightweight. So instead of pouring herself more, she put the glass down next to the bottle, leaning on one leg, eyes on the whiskey. "Oh, they didn't." Her heart was pounding by the way Emily was looking at her, eyes gazing up and down her body as she willed her cheeks not to burn a red shade, flattered, yet feeling exposed. "I had to give the checker 50 bucks to give me his from his stash."

The older woman nodded, moving her hand to touch the warm fingers JJ had settled on the table, successfully taking it and pulling her closer. "Well worth it." She could feel the liquid working its magic, giving her the courage to look into blue eyes.

JJ bit her lip as she smiled, allowing herself to be pulled into the personal space of the older woman. "You're telling me." She leaned one knee on the chair, putting her weight on it to place the other knee on the other side of the woman, lowering herself down to straddle Emily's lap. They could both hear their hearts pounding, hands shaking from sudden fear of breaking unspoken rules. Her lips brushed up against Emily's, their breath mixing together before she kissed down an ivory colored jaw, settling on the sweet spot of the older woman's neck. Her hands ran up the brunette's arms, over strong shoulders, and down to a warm chest, fingers expertly working their way down to unbutton a dark grey shirt.

Emily moaned, feeling the blonde's nails against her stomach when her shirt was pushed open, dragging up and down toned sides. She knew she didn't have to tell the younger woman not to leave a mark, since this wasn't a waste the night away with cheap alcohol and hours of using each other as a way to clear their minds before returning to their lives. This was a quick fix, in and out in a short amount of time. But, that didn't stop JJ from turning pale into a light pink, kisses urgent and forceful. She knew it was going to happen quickly, but everything was going too quickly for her head to wrap around what was going on. She needed time for her mind to catch up with her needy body. "Jay…" Her breath was released in a slow sigh, trying to get herself to connect together properly.

"Hmm…" JJ responded, turning her attention to back to the older woman's mouth, kissing the corner before tugging on Emily's bottom lip gently with her teeth. The fire between her legs was growing, sparking from the way the brunette had looked at her while she was pouring drinks, and it was quickly turning into something she wouldn't be able to handle on her own if Emily decided to stop. She released the brunette's lip, her hands going up to tangle in brown locks, rubbing the side of her nose on the older woman's. The fire in her body was flowing rapidly, but she knew if she didn't pull back, she would lose the chance of being with Emily by going too far, too fast.

The older woman's hands went to JJ's waist, anchoring her to the blonde and the moment. Her thumb found the slice of skin that was uncovered by the blonde's shirt riding up, smoothing over a tan epidermis, feeling the heat radiating off JJ. "What are you doing?" She knew it was a stupid question, but asking the younger woman why she was going so fast didn't seem like a question she could ask without being embarrassed, although the one she actually did ask wasn't much better. She hopped it had at least sound somewhat seductive.

JJ pecked the older woman's lips, smiling. She tried not to grind down onto Emily with her hips. Hearing the brunette whisper against her lips drove her crazy, no matter what was said between them. It took a second for the question to register with her, once it did she felt like screaming. Every cell in her body wants to tell Emily she wants her. That she needs to feel the older woman on top of her, she needs to feel whatever it is that Emily sets off inside her body and mind. She wants to be reminded why she stays at this job where she sees horrible things everyday, reminded why she has bolted from everything in her life after being shot at and kidnapped multiple times, reminded why she continues this toxic thing between them. These are the things only Emily can remind her of. When nothing makes sense to her anymore and she feels as if she'll go crazy if she does get out, she has Emily to silence the voices that are screaming at her and bring her back down to calm her. She wants, needs, this not only to ignore everything, to numb her of the evil, but it's the only way she knows how to show Emily she loves her, without actually saying the words, as twisted and selfish as it may be.

She moved her hands back down to Emily's abs, a growl ripping through the older woman's throat as fingers dug into her hips harder. "Distracting you. That's why you're here, isn't it?"

The room was silent except for their breathing, the dim light casting shadows on their features, hiding any emotion the two might have. Somewhere to the left of them, there was a rhythmic banging, one that couldn't be mistaken for anything other than pleasure. When a loud grunt and exaggerated scream filled the floor, JJ shifted, almost as if she was uncomfortable, almost as if she wished she was the one letting out the scream instead of awkwardly straddling a lap that was unsure if she wanted to be in this current position. Emily suddenly felt embarrassed. She had come here for sex, that was the original plan, but now that JJ's weight was bearing down on her, she wondered if maybe they could keep the rule intact and just talk. "What if I just came over to drink and spend time with you?"

JJ wasn't entirely upset that Emily had basically just turned her down, she was happy to spend time with the older woman anyway she can, but she wasn't sure how she could possibly sit in a room alone with her now that she was turned on and had no sign of release in sight. But she nodded, accepting what the brunette said. "Alright." she pecked Emily's lips one last time before sliding off her lap, walking backward until her the back of her legs bumped into the mattress. She sat down on the edge and then scooted herself up so she had her back leaning against the headboard of the bed, clearing her throat as she pulled her shirt down, making sure Emily could see the top of her bra through the unbuttoned portion of her shirt. Her hands rested on her lap, smiling sweetly at the brunette. "What would you like to talk about?"

Emily sat in the old pink chair, staring speechlessly at the blonde. Her nerve endings tingled with desire to touch the skin on the open chest she saw, feel muscles contract under her fingertips, hear moans rushing out of the perfect body before her. She suppressed a sigh. One glance at JJ on the bed staring at her like she was the center of the world, and she knew there would be no talking between them tonight. "Take your shirt off."

The blonde did as she was told, sitting up straight as she crossed her arms, hands grabbing the hem of her shirt to pull it up and over her head. She tossed it on the ground in front of Emily, making the brunette's mouth water at the sight of JJ's flat, toned stomach. The younger woman used her eyes to dare Emily to either move from her seat, or give her another command.

"Pants." One word said by Emily and the blonde was unbuttoning her black pants, pushing them down to her knees, and then kicking them off with her feet to land on the floor along with her shoes. Her heart pounded as she watched the brunette lean down to wiggle her feet free from her boots, then stand up and slowly walk toward her. Emily shrugged off her shirt before casually slipping out of her pants, smirking at the vocal intake of breath JJ had made.

Emily held eye contact as she walked across red carpet, ignoring her inner FBI instincts to look out the window when she heard a siren. If they were needed with the rest of the BAU, their phones would be going off, but they stayed silent in their random places in the room. She stood at the foot of the bed, leaning forward to hook her hands behind JJ's knees, pulling her closer to her, successfully making the blonde lie flat on the bed. She lowered her head, kissing up a thigh as she climbed up onto the mattress, hearing it creak under the added weight. She pushed her nose against a clothed clit to kiss JJ's panty covered lower lips. She stuck her tongue out to lick salty skin of the blonde's abs, up the valley of her breasts, and to the collarbone of a quickly rising and falling chest. The brunette nipped at the protruding bone below her, falling in love with the moans released by JJ that was followed by hands tangling in her hair. Emily could feel the younger woman's quick heartbeat as she pressed her lips to JJ's pulse point on her neck.

The younger woman shakily breathed in cool air, opening her legs wider for Emily to settle down between them, laying her upper body on top of JJ's. She closed her eyes as she felt hot breath on her face, her mouth moving up automatically to search for lips. "I guess this means no talking."

Emily placed her forearms on either side of blonde hair, shushing the woman beneath her as she rolled her hips, eliciting another moan from JJ. "The only sound that should be coming from you…" She kissed the younger woman's jaw slowly, going up to whisper on the blonde's lips. "Is you moaning my name."

JJ gasped, removing her hands from brown hair to scrape down a bare back with her nails, smiling as Emily growled in return. "Your wish is my command, Agent Prentiss." She quickly pushed her lips up into Emily's whimpering in the brunette's mouth when her hot, sensitive center was met with another roll of hips.

Within seconds, they settled into a familiar rhythm, taking turns teasing and pleasing each other until they were both satisfied and numb to the point of being able to stop. They both knew that if they weren't on a case, they would be spending much more time under the covers together, but right now Emily took in the moment she was sharing with the younger woman. JJ was laying with her head in the crook of the older woman's neck, arm thrown lazily over Emily's torso as legs tangled together. The brunette was busy running her fingers gently up and down JJ's skin, wishing she could stay here and let the blonde lay peacefully on her, but she knew she had to leave. She couldn't stay and risk someone seeing her coming out of JJ's room in the morning, floor to herself or not, it was a chance they couldn't take.

Emily sighed, gently pushing the blonde off of her. She leaned over and deeply kissed the blonde once more before finally finding the willpower to slip out from underneath the sheets and away from the younger woman's comforting arms. She tried not to look at JJ as she gathered her clothes, feeling her heart breaking as she redressed herself. JJ didn't say anything as she watched Emily fix her hair in the small, chipped hotel mirror. Why the BAU was staying at some run-down hotel was a mystery to all, and it just added to the guilt the two women felt for participating in this hour long affair. But the blonde tried to ignore the unsettling feeling in her gut, instead wishing Emily would climb back into bed and hold her for the rest of the night for once, even though she knew it could never happen that way.

The older woman checked to make sure she had everything before finally turning her attention to the blonde laying in the middle of the bed, only a white sheet covering the amazing body she had just spent an hour worshiping. Even though the room seemed darker by the pending doom she knew was waiting outside the door for her, she couldn't help but see a glowing halo around the blonde, a beacon of hope and happiness that one day, this could be something she wouldn't have to sneak away from. Her eyes locked with sad blue ones, resisting the urge to crawl back under the covers and stay in the warm and sexually charged world the two of them just made, both of them knowing there was a hint of love in it as well. Of course, neither of the women would admit this; it was simply need mixed with friendship, a way to shut out the world, no love whatsoever.

"I'll bring you coffee at seven." Emily said, the words breaking the silence and punctuating the fact that she was actually leaving.

"See you at seven." JJ nodded, watching the door shut and emily leave before flopping on the bed and letting a few painful and sad tears escape. She wished she had the courage to ask the older woman to stay just once. When she got her self together again, she headed to the bathroom for a shower to attempt to try and wash away the remnants of Emily, physically and mentally.

Emily, once back in her room, unclicked her phone from the clip it was in on her hip, and opened her e-mails to message herself. She could never fall asleep after seeing JJ, her thoughts always racing and bouncing around. The first time they had slept together, Emily couldn't even shut her eyes without picturing the gorgeous blonde. That was the first time she wrote. She found an old notebook lying around her apartment and got it all out with a pen, allowing herself to sleep after. Now, however, was no exception. She would just have to type it and then print it out when she got home.

She followed her routine, sitting on the uncomfortable hotel mattress and dated the entry, then began typing. _I almost couldn't leave her this time. The way she felt in my arms was like the weight of the world didn't exist. I know we started this as a to distract ourselves from the disgusting horrors of our job, to numb the way we see it all, but now… Now it's something else. I long to feel her skin against mine, taste her mouth, battle her tongue, hear the sweet breath of her heaving chest as I kiss her body. She's not even my drug anymore. She's… the reason my heart is beating, the reason I wake up and to go work, the reason I keep going. To see her smile at me everyday sends butterflies bursting in my stomach, to get lost in blue eyes for a few seconds makes the world stop. Every cell in my being wants to tell her how I feel, how she makes me feel, how much I love her, but I know I couldn't handle telling her, and her not saying it back. I couldn't handle losing her and what we have, as twisted as it may be. It hurts to leave her, or have her leave me, but at least this way I get her. I have her in my arms, hearing my name on her lips as she comes undone, getting to see the most vulnerable parts of her… I'm in love with a woman I can never have, and I will forever stay in this cage I have created. Lock me up and throw away the key. Jennifer…_ _ **She is my goddess, I am her servant, and I will be at her beck and call for as long as she'll have me.**_

She sighed, hitting send on the e-mail and dropped the phone on the bed to grab a quick shower before bed. JJ, on the other hand, finished getting her pajamas on and looked at her phone when it beeped, causing a small echo in her empty room. She opened the e-mail from Emily, quickly realizing she was never supposed to see it, but read the whole thing anyway. Her heart stopped when she saw her name at the end, rereading the passage twice to let everything sink in.

Emily had just accidentally sent her an e-mail of some sort of journal, confessing her love for her. She sat on the bed as springs strained under her, staring at a now black screen phone. What was she going to do? She very well couldn't tell the older woman what happened, not only from keeping Emily from embarrassment, but from fear that the brunette would run. Run, leave, bolt out of her life faster than she would be able to tell her that she was in love with her as well, because, let's be honest, there was no way she was ready to say it out loud.

She had no idea how long she had been sitting on the bed staring at her hand, but she needed to write. JJ laughed, finding it funny that both her and Emily secretly wrote about each other in journals like middle school girls with silly crushes. Just as was about to start typing, there was a knock at the door. The clock radio on the side table to the right of the bed read 6:55 am, meaning she had literally thought about this all night, and now Emily was here with promise-filled coffee. Shaking her head, she opened the door, letting the older woman inside. "Let me get changed."

Emily nodded as the blonde grabbed fresh clothes from her go-bag by the door of the bathroom, going in the small room and closing the door. Once dressed, she exited, threw her pajamas on the bed, and gladly took the coffee from Emily's out stretched hand. With one sip they were out the door and JJ tried to keep her thoughts about the e-mail sealed inside the room once the door was shut.

She awoke by JJ kissing her softly on her neck, eyes opening sleepily as the blonde smiled. "Come on, Hotch called. We have a case." Emily groaned, not wanting to move from the bed, from the little cocoon she had created with the younger woman. Her heart was beating faster than normal, the events of her dream hitting her. Although she never sent JJ an email, she was still terrified of the blonde finding out her true feelings too soon. She watched as the younger woman started getting ready and followed, shaking her head clear of the dream and into work mode.


	8. Chapter 8

_**So this chapter is the start of a case, so the rest of the team gets a little time to shine. There is a little sexy time in this chapter... Let me know if you guys like that and maybe I'll put in more? Review if you'd like! And also, shout out to momo0424, who literally listens to me babble about my ideas for this story!**_

Emily walked into the office to see a blonde with long, gorgeous legs leaning on her desk, laughing at something Morgan had said. They had decided to take one car to the office, but walk in separately just to cover the bases so none of the teammates got suspicious. And even though she just saw the other woman, she couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with emotions how drawn she was to her. Her heart skipped a beat at how beautiful JJ is when she laughs, head thrown back, golden hair out of her face to show perfect features, blue eyes squinting from smiling too big. The younger agent's laughter filled Emily with love, wanting to bottle up the sound to have forever. When she got closer, the blonde's smile grew wider, if that was even possible.

"Hey, Em." JJ sang, never leaving her position on the brunette's desk, looking elegant and relaxed even though she's only been sitting there for five minutes.

"Morning." She put her stuff down next to JJ, leaning in close to turn on her computer. She could smell the blonde's perfume, a mixture of sunshine and flowers, just like JJ, just like she had smelled this morning when she watched the blonde spray it on. "I thought we had a case?" She raised her eyebrows, looking at the duo.

Morgan nodded, pointing to Hotch's office. "We do, but Hotch is on the phone with the police department, getting all the details before the briefing."

JJ looked at the brunette, smiling at how professional Emily looked today in the blazer she borrowed from her, her go-bag only having a limited amount of clothes from the haste of packing on Friday. "I think we have sometime… wanna go grab some coffee?"

The brunette nodded, grabbing her cup from her drawer and led the way, allowing JJ the opportunity to look at Emily's ass as she walked away. But she shook her head, clearing her mind of the impure thought of her her partner, not wanting to start something at the office.

JJ met up with Emily as the brunette came out of the younger woman's office, handing her the blonde's mug, both of them ignoring the chuckle form Morgan. He was the only one on the team to consistently call them out on how "close" the two were. But, they left him behind, making their way to the break room for a caffeine fix. They both placed their mugs on the counter, Emily grabbing the pot to pour the black liquid in the mugs as JJ added the correct amount of creamer in each container.

"Do you know where we are going?" The brunette asked, taking a sip of her coffee before making a face. She was trying to distance her feelings from the work environment, unsuccessfully.

"You never let me finish putting your sugar in." JJ responded, giving the older agent a look as she opened a packet of sugar and dumped it in, stirring a few times before letting Emily drink from the mug again. "California. Teen girls are being beaten to death."  
The older woman grimaced, turning around to walk back to the bullpit. "I hate it when it's a torture case."

JJ grabbed the brunette by the elbow, holding her back from going toward the team. She bit her lower lip, suddenly becoming shy. "Are we going to talk about this weekend?" Her voice was low, looking around to make sure no one would hear them.

Emily's eyes widened, moving in closer to the younger woman. "Well, we can, but I don't think right now is the best place Jay…"

JJ nodded. "I know but… I just wanted to make sure we would. You know? It's kinda a big deal."

The older woman sighed, touching the blonde's elbow that was holding the mug, her thumb caressing the inner bend, trying to soothe the younger woman in some way. "I know, we'll talk about it, I promise."

Before JJ could reply, Reid walked by them as he walked up the stairs to the conference room, holding the door open for the women. They found their seats next to each other as Garcia passed around their tablets to view the files.

"Three girls in California all found in a park with multiple stab wounds and damage to their skulls." Garcia waited for everyone to finish scrolling through the pictures before continuing on . "First victim is Haley Jacobs, 18, student at Temecula Valley High School. She was taken one month ago, found dumped at the nearby park three weeks ago."

The team scrolled to the next picture, showing a smiling young brunette in a Temecula Valley High School track uniform. JJ looked up at Garcia, horrified. "How did they even identify her body? The unsub practically smashed in her skull."

"They found her student ID on her and matched dental records." Reid spoke, reading ahead like usual.

"Which is how they identified Jessica Hernandez and Ashley Robertson. Jessica was a student at Chaparral High School. Disappeared right after Haley was found and dumped at the park a week later when Ashley was reported missing. 18, student at Great Oak High School." Garcia stopped to take a breath, Rossi jumping in to read her mind.

"Let me guess, found a week later at the park."

Garcia nodded and clicked a button on her remote, showing pictures of the smiling girls wearing three different track uniforms. Emily flipped through the pictures on her tablet again, studying the teens.

"All three girls were brunette, straight A's, and track stars. But they go to different schools…" She looked up at JJ to see the blonde nodding, agreeing with her.

"How far apart are the schools, Garcia?" Morgan asked, twisting a pen in his fingers.

"They are all within 10 miles of each other." She responded, clicking the remote to show a map, the park and each school highlighted.

"Three schools that close together?" Morgan asked, eyebrows raised.

JJ had an unsettling feeling in her stomach. Each of the victims she saw on the screen in her hand reminded her of Emily. She couldn't help it. She had always seen Emily in every brunette victim they came across, but something about these girls really unsettled her. And from what she's heard from Emily about her childhood, she understood why: they were all mini versions of the brunette sitting next to her.

"Each school has a population of over three thousand kids." Garcia said, pulling JJ from her thoughts.

"That's a lot of young brunette track stars." "Rossi said, shaking his head.

Hotch leaned forward in his seat, automatically taking control of the conversation. "And it's about to get worse." He looked at Garcia who clicked a button, a flier filling up the screen. "The town is holding the state wide track meet in the coming week. A total of 50 schools will be showing up to compete this week. The local police are worried that the unsub will quicken his work with the amount of teen girls coming."

"Then it's our job to make sure none of those girls get hurt." Emily said, looking at their boss.

"Exactly. Wheels up in 30."

The team filed out, heading to their desks to get their go-bags, but JJ watched Emily, curious to know how this case was affecting her.

XXXXXXX

They sat in their normal seats on the plane, right next to each other, just like in the briefing room. The brunette was reading a book, something the blonde found extremely attractive. If she could, JJ would watch the older agent read the entire flight, but she knew that was borderline creepy and would get her team suspicious. She turned her attention to the open tablet on the table in front of her, studying each picture. She was looking at how the bodies were found dressed in activewear, running sneakers still on their feet, hair neatly tied up and away from their faces, lying on the ground as if they stopped to take a breath. But, the amount of blood staining their clothes, the scratches on their legs and arms, face beaten to concave inside and remove them of their beauty told a different story. She couldn't tell if the clothes had been removed during the act, or kept on, all she could see was the deep crimson turning a rusty brown color as it dried.

"Was there any sign of sexual assault?" The sound of her own voice surprised her, but it made Emily look up from her book.

"There was nothing written in the file if there was." The brunette said, looking over JJ's shoulder. "Why are you still looking at the photos? You know as much as the rest of us."

The blonde shrugged, scrolling through to find the picture of Ashley, the victim that reminded her of Emily the most.

"Jay…" The older agent whispered, not wanting to draw attention from Morgan and Reid, both of whom were sitting across from them, listening to music and sleeping. She knew from experience that the simplest slight raise in volume of a voice could draw them out of their own world. "What is it? What's bothering you?"

She shook her head, signaling to the older woman she didn't want to talk about it. And just when the brunette was about to press on anyway, the planes monitor beeped, making the two of them move away from each other, the blonde putting both of her hands in her lap as Reid opened his eyes. Garcia's face appeared on the screen, showing that she had terrible news.

"Twenty of the schools have arrived for the competition," She shook her head, gazing straight at Hotch. "An 18 year old from Mesa Valley HIgh School has been reported missing. The coach said she was there when he gave everyone their room keys, four girls per room, and then she didn't come down for lunch. The girls assigned to her room said she went to talk to her teammate, Jackson, about getting an extra run in at the park after lunch and when she didn't come back they assumed she went down to the lobby to meet the team but she never showed."

"Was she brunette?" JJ said, glancing at the team's own brunette, a different question written on her face.

Garcia nodded, resulting a sigh from Morgan. "So he changed where he's getting the girls."

"He has to." Rossi said, looking at him. "There are too many people at the park right now. Someone would easily see him if he approached a teen girl there."

Emily nodded. "He's smart, he knows he'll get caught. So he's starting to go to hotels to find his victims."

"But we can't have someone at every hotel looking someone acting suspicious." Reid said, starting to do mental calculations. "There are too many of them."

"so we find out which hotels have the most teen girl track members." Rossi purposed. "Garcia, cross reference all fifty teams and what hotels they are at. Send us a list of the top ten with the most girls staying at them."

"My fingers are on it like lint to a sweater." There was a click and the technical analyst was gone, the screen returning to black.

The team was silent, mulling over the new information they had just got. Morgan was the first to speak. "Hotch, you really think we can get the unsub?"

His face was straight, serious, his eyes on the screen Garcia just occupied. "We are going to have to. Reid go with Morgan to the park to see how big of an area we are dealing with. Rossi and I will go to the station and start planning how to protect the hotels. JJ and Emily, go talk to the teammates of the girl that just went missing, they'll be more open with you two." He looked at the team, his eyes dark. "We have hundreds of girls to look out for, let's do our best to keep them safe."

The monitor clicked off, taking Garcia with it as the team sighed together in a loud exhale of air. Ried set his old school file down onto the table in front of him, digging around in his pocket to pull out a small object. It was one of those plastic frog toys that had a lever in the back so you could push down on it and it would jump. He tested it out a few times, gently making it move around the desk as Emily, JJ, and Morgan watched in a mixture of confusion and fascination. Then, he decided to see how much air he could get with it. The small green toy collided with Emily's face, cutting her just above the eyebrow. And between him over-expressing how sorry he was to Emily repeatedly explaining that it was okay, JJ managed to get the older woman into the jet bathroom with the first aid kit.

"Who the hell gave him a toy frog?" Emily laughed, keeping the tissue pressed against the wound as the blonde got the ointment and bandaid ready.

"Who knows. Let me see." She pushed Emily's hand away, quickly rubbing the ointment on the cut as Emily hissed. "Oh come on. You've gotten shot and stabbed but a small cut makes you wince?"

The older woman rolled her eyes, folding her arms. "Excuse you, but the face is a very sensitive are."

"Sensitive because of the skin, or sensitive because it's your _face_?" JJ raised an eyebrow, smiling as she stuck the almost clear band aid on the wound, smoothing it out before running her fingertips down Emily's cheeks to her collar bone, making the brunette shiver.

"Does it matter?" Her hands went to JJ's hips, pulling her closer without thinking. As much as she tried to deny her body of JJ's touch, it was almost impossible in the small space they were in. They were sharing the same air, looking into each other's eyes, hearts beating at the same pace. Emily yearned to feel the blonde's hands on her, almost clouding her judgment because of it.

The blonde smiled, reacting to the older woman's intentions. She reached behind her, locking the door as she captured the older woman's lips, not caring about where they were. As long as they were quiet they wouldn't be caught. And she could tell from Emily's eyes that she's been wanting this since they woke up, why deny her now? She quickly turned the brunette around so she was facing the mirror in the small area, hands clasping the sink.

JJ made sure she kept her face pressed into the brown hair, not wanting her lips to travel to skin and make a mark. Her hands made quick work of Emily's crooked belt and zipper, sliding her hand into the older agents underwear. "I think it does…" She whispered. "Wouldn't want to mess up that pretty face of yours."

Emily bit her lip, containing the moan building inside her. The younger woman was wasting no time in rubbing her clit, thrusting two fingers in her entrance, getting her to the edge quickly. She took a deep, ragged breath, knuckles white against the sink. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather wait until we get to the hotel? They might hear."

JJ smiled, excitement running through her at the chance of getting caught. "Well, I guess you just have to be quiet. Think you can do that, Em?"

The older woman nodded. Her eyes closed as she controlled her breathing, held in her noises, feeling the fingers working her closer. She could feel her legs giving out and was thankful when JJ wrapped her arm around her stomach, keeping her standing up. She knew it was only going to be a small one, a quick, one-sided exchange between the two, one that would be returned later.

When she felt like she couldn't take anymore, she covered her mouth with one hand, leaning against the blonde as her body contracted sharply and then released, her quiet moans muffled by her palm. She took a moment to calm down, the younger woman pulling out her hand to quickly lick her digits clean and then button Emily back up.

"Let me see the bandage." JJ turned a dazed Emily to face her, touching the edges of the bandaid to make sure they stuck to the brunette's skin. "Alright, all done. All nice and… taken care of." She ran her fingers through brown hair, getting it back to normal before unlocking the door. "Why don't you take a nap?" Emily nodded, swallowing, still dazed from what had just happened. They made it back to their seats, her legs still a little shaky. She rested her head on JJ's shoulder, closing her eyes. The blonde looked at Hotch and rolled her eyes when he gave her a questioning look. "Couldn't get it to stop bleeding."

He nodded and went back to the file, leaving Ried to pipe up. "JJ… Did I really hurt her?" He looked pained, guilty.

The blonde waved him off. "No, no. She just has a little headache. Lack of caffeine. Gonna take a quick nap." She smiled at him, shooing away all his negative thoughts, allowing her own to seep through.

With Emily asleep on her shoulder, everyone else in their own worlds, she was left to think. Think about what they just did in the bathroom. Think about what they were doing in general. Think about how her feelings have grown for the older woman in just a few days. She wasn't expecting it, feeling so comfortable and, dare she say it, loved, with the brunette. She didn't want any of it, honestly, knowing how quickly it could turn into something terrible.

She needed to do something, ease herself away from the drug that was Emily. The pain of Will was still fresh, and even though him and Emily were nothing alike, she still couldn't help but picture herself crushed as the older woman walked out. JJ couldn't allow herself to get so attached, not yet, not this soon. She needed to just pull back slightly, cover her heart. Not build an entire brick wall around it, but maybe just a locked cage, something easy to crack. That should be able to work.

And there was nothing wrong with Emily sleeping in her shoulder right now, they were coworkers and friends after all, it's what people did. But when the brunette woke up, she would distance herself, protect them, leave a little gap. Especially since they were on a case. She didn't want the team getting a hint accidents you from the way the duo moved with each other, talked with each other, existed around each other.

So, to protect them both, she need to wean herself from the intoxicating older woman. One step at a time. One conversation at a time. Starting now.


	9. Chapter 9

"Hey! What the hell is your problem?!" Emily trudged after the blonde, furious.

The duo had spent the past two days being thrown together by Hotch for the case. They talked to teammates and parents, trying to figure out what else the victims had in common besides the obvious characteristics the team had already covered. Normally they worked great together, filling in each other's sentences, knowing movements before they happened, practically reading each other's mind. But now, something was off. Something had happened between them from the time they got on the plane to now.

JJ had slowly started to push the older woman away. For a reason she couldn't figure out, but she knew it was happening and she knew it hurt. She had tried to bring it up earlier in the office, but there were too many people milling around. However, once their boss ordered them to walk through the woods to see if the unsub could possibly be stalking the girls through the trees, Emily knew this was the time to do it.

She picked up her pace, JJ going over roots and rocks like an expert, leaving the older woman stumbling and calling after her. "Jennifer! Seriously! Stop! Fuck, ow!" She twisted her ankle, falling onto her side and landing with a face full of dirt. How did this always happen to her?

She pushed herself up and brushed the dirt off her face just as the blonde came up to her. "Emily? What happened?"

"I twisted my ankle chasing after you because you decided to act like a three year old and not talk to me!" She clutched her ankle, glaring up at the younger woman.

"Em, I'm sorry. I was just focused on the case, I didn't realize I was…" She trailed off, confused. "Did you just call me a three year old?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you're acting like a three year old."

"How am I acting like a three year old?"

"Because you refuse to talk to me!"

"Oh, and that's how three year olds act?"

"They do when- never mind!" Emily shook her head, still frustrated. She brushed through her hair with her fingers, feeling dirt on the side she fell on. She spit to the right of her, opposite of where the blonde was, clearing her mouth of earth. "Why won't you talk to me?"

JJ shifted her body weight so she was kneeling in the dirt on one knee to get closer to the older woman, effectively brushing twigs and dirt from her face and hair. The brunette gave her a nod, doing the same to her clothes. "We are talking right now."

The older woman shot her a warning look. "You know I'm talking about over the last two days."

She sighed, standing up. "It's complicated."

The older woman took the hand JJ held out, pulling herself up. "What do you mean 'it's complicated?'"

"It's just complicated." The blonde shrugged, turning around to slowly continue moving through the trees.

Emily followed her, favoring her left ankle slightly. "How can it be complicated?"

"It just is, Em."

"How? We've been forced to share a room together and you haven't talked to me let alone even _looked_ at me since we got off the plane."

The blonde was quite, moving smoothly through roots and low hanging branches, avoiding small ditches in the hard soil. She couldn't get her mouth to connect to her mind. If she could, she would have told Emily what she decided on the plane, then maybe, this conversation wouldn't feel so painful for either of them. She hated to think that Emily thought she was ignoring her for whatever reason Emily was about to spout. She stopped, crouching in a small opening through trees.

"Seriously, JJ!" Emily ran into the smaller woman, almost stumbling. She regained her footing before falling to the ground again, and kneeled next to the blonde to see through her perspective. "Alright, I can definitely see how someone could stalk these girls through the trees."

"Yeah." JJ agreed, pulling out her phone. "I'll call Hotch."

They made their way out of the small forest and into summer sun, immediately surrounded by teenagers running past them in all directions, some dawning the same outfit, others mixed and matched with their group mates. The younger woman was about to dial their team leader's number when they heard a scream, and both of them turning toward the sound to see a young girl on the ground and what looked to be like a man dressed in black from head to toe, despite the heart, run off into the greenery. They ran toward the sight, guns drawn.

It was instinct for them to have their hands holding the cool medal, deadly weapon pointed outward in front of their face. But once they got to the girl sitting on the ground, looking terrified by the women with guns, the straightened from their squat and holstered the pistols, glancing around before looking at each other with a nod and then the child.

The girl had her hands up, almost cowering as she breathed terrified air. "You guys aren't going to shoot me, right? I wasn't… I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was just running and then this guy… he… he came out of nowhere…"

JJ was the first to kneel down next to her, and rubbing her back to calm her. "No, no we aren't. I'm Agent Jennifer Jareau from the FBI." She opened her jacket flap to pull out her credentials from their spot on her hip, showing the frightened teen. "And this is Agent Emily Prentiss. What's your name sweetheart?"

The girl put down her hands and looked at the credentials in front of her, studying them until JJ flipped it closed and placed it back on her hip. "Jackie. Jackie Robinson." She looked at the blonde then up at Emily, confused. "I'm sorry, but why is the FBI pointing a gun at me exactly?"

"We weren't pointing at you," Emily said, giving out her hand for the girl to take and pulled her up, JJ easily standing up from her position. "We were pointing at the man who was running away from you. Do you know who he is?"

Jackie shook her head, squinting in the sun. "No. He just came up to me while I was running and started asking me questions. Why?"

The two women exchanged a look, Emily nodding as she looked around once more before putting her arm around the teen's shoulders as the blonde pulled out her phone once more. "Jackie, we are investigating-"

"Yeah, I heard. It's awful."

"Would you mind coming to the station with us to talk to us about what happened with the guy just now?"

"If it gets me away from that creep, sure."

JJ nodded again and the three of them turned toward the SUV. She dialed Hotch's number, holding the device up to her ear. "Hey, Hotch. We are bringing in a girl. We'll tell you more when we get there."

The older woman led the teen to the car, unlocking the doors to let her in. Once the door was shut and JJ was off the phone, she got the blonde's attention. "I'm glad we got to her in time, but we aren't finished talking."

JJ bit her lip, looking around before leaning in and giving the brunette a peck on the side of her mouth. "We will." _We have to,_ she thought. I owe it to her. And maybe Emily could even sort out whatever was going through JJ's mind.

XXXXXXX

JJ looked over at the teen who was currently sitting with Reid in one of the conference rooms the local police station lent them. She had on purple running shorts and a black sports bra with black running shoes to match. Her brown hair was up in a ponytail and her face free of any makeup, showing freckles across the bridge of her nose and upper cheeks. She looked young, younger than the age of 16 which she had told the two women in the car on the way here. The girl pulled the FBI windbreaker morgan gave her over her shoulders more. He hadn't liked the way the fresh-out-of-bootcamp cops looked at the teenager, so he draped the jacket he always carried over her to shield her from prying eyes. Now, she was respectfully hidden and smiling from the card tricks Reid was showing her.

She turned her attention to Emily and Hotch, noticing how the brunette's limp was less noticeable now. She had tried to get the older woman to ice it once they got to the station, but she refused and insisted on debriefing Hotch on who they brought in. JJ watched in memorization as Emily hooked dark hair behind her ear, showing her angular face and porcelain skin. It made her heart thud in her chest to see the older woman in work mode, with her face hard and stance at the ready to take out a gun and tackle a bad guy, something that turned her on for whatever reason.

It killed her to see how hurt Emily was by her pulling back the past two days. She honestly thought it was the best idea for them at the time, but now she could tell it was seriously wrong. She had managed to hurt Emily _and_ anger her at the same time. Not to mention confuse her with why she wasn't talking to her. And as much as she tried to shove her feelings down and away, watching the older woman on the ground, holding her ankle, covered in dirt with narrowed eyes angrily darting into her soul, she knew she couldn't. They needed to talk, and soon. But right now they had a young woman relying on them.

She blinked away her thoughts when she noticed Emily walking toward her with a fresh water bottle in her hand. "Hotch gave us the green light to ask Jackie some questions."

JJ nodded, leading them into the conference room to interrupt a laughing teen and a beaming Reid. "Sorry to break up the party, but we have some questions for you, Jackie."

Reid packed up his cards, winking at the teen. "I'll be back after to show you how to do that trick." He walked out of the room, closing the door with a soft click and sent the three of them into silence.

There were ceiling to floor windows looking out onto the station desk floor, cops dressed in uniforms darting around with phones and paperwork in their hands. It was chaotic outside, people buzzing around and bumping into each other, but inside the two women sat on either side of the girl, dim florescent lights shining above their head with a whirr of an air conditioner coming from the wall behind them. It was a decent sized station for the size of the town, with up-to-date software and comfortable amenities with friendly people, but you could still tell it had a small town vibe to it and was weary of outsiders.

Emily slid the water bottle in front of the girl, getting settled into her seat. They were at the corner of the table, the two women turned to face Jackie and each other. "Okay, Jackie. Can you tell us what you were doing in the park?"

"I was running."

"Is this something you do everyday?" JJ asked, hand rubbing a young back.

"Mostly everyday. I wasn't going to today but…"

"But what?" The blonde asked gently.

"My house was too loud to study so I decided to go for a run. I've heard about the… The killings so I thought that if I ran in a public place then maybe I'd be safer."

The girl reached for the bottle, opening it and taking a swig as the two women looked at each other.

"Did you get a good look at him?" Emily spoke up.

"No… He was running beside me, can't really look to the side while running in the park right now, too many people you know?"

"Could you tell us what you did manage to see?"

Jackie but her lip, thinking. "He was white… A few inches taller than me. Maybe wearing sunglasses? I'm not sure, he had his hood up."

The two women nodded again, sharing looks. The teen was oddly comfortable with confrontations, an abnormal amount of bravery and confidence coming from the small human.

"You said your house was too loud to study." JJ looked at the girl with squinted eyes, trying to figure everything out. "Are you in summer school?"

Jackie shook her head, drinking again. "No, no. I'm a straight A student. A grade above my age actually. I've been studying to get GED."

"If you're a grade ahead, why are you trying to get your GED?"

She sighed, leaning back in her seat. "The quicker I graduate high school, the quicker I can leave this place."

Emily glanced at JJ, worried. "You don't like living here?"

"It's not that. It's just…" Jackie got up, going toward the outside window. She folded her arms over her chest, biting her lip as she shifted her weight while staring out at an empty dirt lot. "I'm a foster kid and the family I'm with, they don't really pay attention you know? There are five kids total and… They basically just do it for the money really. So as soon a I get my GED I'm leaving and applying for the FBI."

There was a knock on the glass door and all three looked up to see Hotch tapping and waving at them to go outside. JJ told the girl they would be back, and they both got up from their seats and exited the room, making sure the door clicked shut. They located the rest of the group huddled around the whiteboard, pictures and names taped next to a map of the city.

The team was pointing and talking, Hotch and Rossi staring at the map with arms folded, Reid with his hand on his chin, calculating something, and Morgan sitting on the edge of a desk holding out a phone. They were each individually great and their job, but together they were unstoppable.

"Garcia, did you get anything on Jackie Robinson?" It was Reid who spoke, voice sounding far away.

There were clicking noises coming from the phone Morgan held, then a voice. "Jackie Robinson, turning 16 in September, an incoming junior at the local high school. When she was ten she skipped a grade her teacher saying she wasn't being challenged enough and the parents agreed… She was involved with track and field and cross country, straight A student, took AP classes, until two years ago when her parents died and she went into the foster system and stopped getting involved with school at all. She still keeps up her grades but if she's not at school or the library she's at home studying or running in the park across from where she lives."

The team was silent, looking at the board, trying to connect everything.

"How did her parents die, Baby Girl?" Morgan said.

"They were in a car accident two years ago when Jackie was 14. Mom hit her head and died immediately, dad bled out before paramedics could get there. Um… Oh, oh no."

"What is it, Garcia?" Hotch spoke up.

There was silence for a beat before the tech analysis spoke again. "It says here that Jackie had a brother, Robert. He hung himself five years ago, he was 15. Jackie is the one that found him in his closet."

"That would explain why she isn't nervous to talk to us." Emily said, shaking her head. "She's used to adults in uniform asking her questions. Garcia, can you see any reason the unsub would go after her?"

"Besides her GPA, hair color and her being white? None."

"Maybe the unsub saw her in the park and thought she fit his criteria." Rossi added, shrugging one shoulder as he pointed to the other girls.

"Well if that's so, he's going to go back for her. Morgan, Rossi, go talk to the coaches again and see if they have seen anything unusual since we last spoke to them." Hotch turned to the rest of the group, facial expression unmoving. "Reid, look through all the pictures on the championship website to see if any other girls fit the criteria based on looks and send them to Garcia to see about the GPA and social media areas. JJ and Emily, keep talking to Jackie, see if she remembers anything else. Also we are going to keep her here until we find the unsub, I'm not sending her home without protection so this place is the safest she can be. One of you will be with her at all times."

Morgan hung up the phone and everyone nodded, breaking up into their respective places, leaving the two women alone. JJ looked at Emily, who was watching the teen in the conference room who was still looking outside. She wanted to reach her hand out to touch the brunette's to establish some kind of connection to her. She wanted to just kiss her, to hold her, to take her worries away for just a moment. She wanted to get the older woman alone, not to talk, but to someone reassure her.

Without thinking, she took the brunette's hand and led her into the bathroom, shut the door and the began wetting a paper towel. She stayed quiet as Emily asked her what she was doing, wringing out the towel instead. "You've still got some dirt on your neck."

She began gently wiping at invisible dirt, keeping her eyes glued to the older woman's pulse point, watching it quicken ever so slightly. She kept wiping, ignoring the brunette softly speaking her name. The blonde didn't stop until one hand was on her wrist and another just below her chin, lifting her head up.

"I'm sorry. I'll explain later but I'm sorry." She dropped the damp paper towel, her hands going to Emily's hips to pull her closer, following the older woman's lead.

"Shh." Emily said, leaning her head toward the blonde's. She kissed her, softly, allowing the younger woman to respond to her kiss. It was quick, but enough to symbolize what was to come, tender and soft and full of love. Just what they needed.

When they pulled apart, JJ couldn't help but smile a little. She was happy to know that Emily was too mad at her, and that they would eventually talk. But that could wait. "I think we should go back to our assignment, before Hotch realizes something's up."

The brunette chuckled, rubbing thumb over a smooth cheek. "Good thinking." She broke apart from the younger woman and opened the door, both of them heading straight for the conference room.

The teen was still looking outside, appearing to be in her own world. The sun was shining, although coming from the west, signaling it was getting close to dinner. And if they were going to be watching over the young girl, they needed supplies. Especially when all Jackie had with her was her running clothes, not even a cellphone that JJ could see. But, now knowing she's a foster kid, it made sense. She didn't have much, and what she did have, she cherished. Although, upon a closer look, the blonde could see how worn out her shoes and clothes actually were. She could use some fresh running clothes, ones without holes at the bottom, and desperately needed new running shoes. She was surprised the girl could run in the pair she had on now, with the way they were falling apart.

Emily tapped her on the shoulder and used her thumb to point behind her, over to the chief of police. Going to talk about getting some cots for them no doubt. JJ nodded, and then gently opened the glass door, her knuckles hitting the see through panel softly. "So our boss wants you to stay here until it's safe to send you home. Emily went to get some cots for us… You wanna call your foster parents to see if they can bring some stuff down here for you?"

The girl shrugged, finally turning away from the window. "Won't matter. They won't care anyway."

JJ bit her cheek, folding her arms over her chest. Normally she was good at communicating with young girls, figuring out where their attitude was coming from, how to direct it in a way that would be most helpful for everyone. But she wasn't sure what to do with Jackie. The girl just seemed… Tired. She seemed over everything that had happened to her. And it wouldn't surprise JJ if the girl just didn't want to see her foster parents, after learning the little bit of information she shared.

"Well, you need to get out of those clothes, so what do you say we drive to your place and pick some stuff up? We'll get dinner for the team too."

"That sounds like a great plan." Emily said, joining them once again. "But, Jay you've got a press conference so looks like it's just gonna be me and you kid. Our cots should be set up in here by the time we get back." She smiled, trying to be as friendly as possible in the delicate situation. "I was thinking some Chinese. What do you think?"

The teen nodded, folding her arms over her chest, playing with her foot on the floor. "Just you and me?"

"Yeah. Or I could get Spencer to go with us, if you'd like."

"No, no." Jackie waved her off, walking toward the brunette who was standing in the doorway. "Us is good. Let's… let's go."

The brunette looked at JJ, eyebrow raised as she watched the teen glide past them and toward the front exit. The younger woman whispered about troubled home life and Emily nodded, following the bouncing ponytail of the teenager.


	10. Chapter 10

**Alright, so finally an update. I only write when I feel inspired to, which is why it takes me forever to put it up on here. Also, I want to say I know nothing about being in the FBI and don't know how the whole mental illness things work with being in the FBI, just wrote what came into mind.**

 **That being said, **TRIGGER WARNING** some talk about cutting, nothing major, but I would hate to trigger someone.**

Emily started the car as soon as the younger brunette closed her door. She rolled the windows down and blasted the A.C. in attempt to cool off the interior of the vehicle. Even though the car had been parked in the shade, the heat had still managed to enter through the cracks and she could feel it. She shrugged off her suit jacket, tossing it in the back before buckling her seatbelt and moving the car out of the parking spot.

Once on the highway, the older woman looked at the teen, noticing for the first time that the young brunette had faded scars on the inside of her right wrist and forearm. They looked a few years old and overlapped each other, telling Emily it was the work of something that happened over a span of item, not in one sitting. Shew knew the girl was quiet, and it seemed like ehr family had a history of mental illness, so it wouldn't make it too uncommon for family members to share genetic disorders. But, if she had been hurting herself, wouldn't she still? Especially after the tragic events that have hit her in the past few years. Emily made a mental note to ask her about it before they were back at the station.

But for now, she rolled up the car windows again and reached over to click the radio on. THe car was too silent for her liking, and the background noise helped her to relax, but hwen she glanced at the teen, she noticed Jackie was unchanged by the music, still looking outside the car at the environment around her.

"So… The FBI… What makes a girl like you want to join?" She winced at her choice of words. Maybe they just should have waited for JJ to be done with the press conference so the air wouldn't be as awkward, but there was no turning back now.

"Uh…" The teen licked her lips, picking at her cuticles. "My brother."

Emily nodded, keeping her hands on the wheel, glancing over to the tene nervously. She knew the young brunette's brother had killed himself, but she didn't want to blurt that out. "He made you want to be in the FBI?"

Jackie smiled to herself, obviously remembering something. "He was obsessed with serial killers. But, like, in a good way. He wanted to know how they ticked so he could get them you know? He would tell me about all the famous ones and he made me promise that I would join with him." The teen was silent, looking out the window again. "L never took any of it seriously until he died… I started looking into to it more and I found the one job he would have loved."

Emily turned on the street that held the park and the teen's house, driving at a snail speed so she wouldn't hurt any of the teens accidentally. She wanted to ask the younger brunette to ask the younger brunette what was going through her mind, but she didn't want to push her either. She decided on something less intrusive to keep the girl talking.

"What did you find?"

Jackie smiled at her, cheeks slightly pink like she was embarrassed. "An FBI profiler. As soon as I read it, I knew he found it and wanted to do it… But I think that's also what drove him to kill himself."

The older woman pulled up next to the plain looking house, the GPS telling her it was Jackie's foster home. She was shocked. How could Jackie make that connection? Garcia had called her right before they left the station to get in the car to tell her some details about Jackie's tragic life, and she remembered the geeky computer tech analyst explicitly saying there was no suicide note, so, either there had been one and the teen took it and didn't tell anyone, or the girl was more intune with people than she let on.

Whatever it was, she felt her heart breaking once again for the girl sitting next to her in the parked car. She couldn't tell if it was from how sad everything is, or the fact Jackie just seemed to accept how her life was turning out and just kept going as if more bad things could happen and it wouldn't phase her. It saddened her to know that the teen considered death to be normal, as if it was another stage in life instead of a harsh ending. Emily looked at the younger brunette who stayed still, not moving an inch of her body.

"Why do you think that's why he killed himself?"

The teen shrugged, eyes pointing into her lap. "Because he read that if you're diagnosed with schizophrenia, you can't be in the FBI. He highlighted it in the book he left open on the bed. Anyone else would have just seen it as an open book, but I knew…"

Emily glanced down at the teen's hands, watching her rub a thumb over a raised bump. Neither of them had to say it. Her brother had been schizophrenic, and as soon as he found out he couldn't be able to do his dream job, he didn't think it was worth it anymore. And there had indeed been a note felt, you just needed to know his language, the way his sister knew.

The air around them felt too heavy, too serious with the past weighing down on them. Plus they had been sitting in the car for so long, they were starting to attract attention, which Emily knew was something they were supposed to avoid.

"Well, I think it's time to go in."

Jackie sighed, finally looking up at the house. She reached down into her sock to pull out a key, then glanced back at the house again. "Alright."

The older woman shut off the vehicle and they both climbed out of the car, the teen leading the way She watched as the young brunette used the key to open the door, pushing it open with a creak. Immediately, Emily could see the house was a mess. Clothes and old dirty dishes piled on tables and chairs, trash covering the floor. Two little boys wearing only underwear came running through screaming. They were followed by another boy, a middle school aged one, at least four years younger than Jackie, who was holding up a ripped pillow, obviously chasing the smaller humans.

Jackie yelled a name, and the screaming was replaced by crying. A woman who looked like she hadn't showered in days came in carrying the source of the crying. The toddler appeared to be wearing a soiled diaper and heavily stained dress, red-faced from tears. "Jack! Get in here and shut the boys up!" The woman turned to Emily and Jackie as a grumbling man who looked even worse than the woman came walking in. "And who are you?"

"This is Agent Emily Prentiss. We are here to pick up my stuff so I can stay at the station."

The woman laughed, adjusting the toddler as it continued to scream. "Yeah, yeah, you told me. What law did you break again?"  
Emily interjected before the younger brunette could. "No law, just making sure she stays safe." She smiled, rubbing Jackie's back to comfort her.

"Right." The woman scoffed. "Good luck with her, she's a handful. Jack! The boys!"

"Well, we will be quick." She pushed Jackie's back forward gently, urging her to go forward before the woman could say anything else.

At first her plan was to stay at the door as the teen gathered her stuff, but she knew she had to go with her now, just in case. She followed the young girl up the stairs and down a hallway, stepping on who knows what to get to a closed room. Inside, she could quickly tell whose side was Jackie's and whose was the other occupant. She guessed it was the toddler she had seen earlier, considering the crib located in the middle of the wall on one side. Emily could definitely tell the room was shared, Jackie's half completely spotless with her be dmade, dresser drawers pushed in, desk next to the bed tidy, and her half of the floor without one piece of clothing or trash on it. She could tell the teen didn't have much, but what she did have she kept organized and clean.

Emily glanced over to the desk as Jackie packed, seeing books stacked in the corner about the FBI, most likely brought over when she was placed here, and a library book about getting a GED with a notepad, pen, and a highlighter placed in the center. There was a pencil pouch on the other side of the GED book, next to a rusty lamp, and she watched as Jackie packed up the contents. She left the FBI books and a lamp untouched and took everything else. The teen put the items in her duffle bag on the bed and zipped it up, slinging it over her shoulder while picking up a pair of beat-up tennis shoes t hold in her hand.

"Ready?" Emily raised her eyebrow, shocked at how fast she had packed.

"Yeah. All my clothes and toiletries basically fit in here. I've learned to just keep everything with me since the kids who come and go tend to steal stuff."

The onlyder woman pointed to the books still on the desk. "Are those the only thing you have left?"

"Pretty much… but they won't fit in here."

Emily crossed the room and picked up the stack, she wasn't about to let the teen leave them behind, especially since she decided that Jackie would never be coming back here. "Let's go."

XXXXXXX

Back in the car, the young brunette fiddled in the passenger seat, her thumb once again tracing over the bumps on her delicate wrist. Emily could see the teen was clearly upset, and she fought the urge to call Hotch and Garcia to put her plan into motion, but that could wait. The more pressing issue at the moment was the scars covering the young girl's arm.

"How did you get those scars?" She took one hand off the wheel to point down at Jackie's lap, her voice trying to sound casual.

The teen cleared her throat, shifting in her seat, uncomfortable. "The car accident."

The older brunette noticed the rehearsed line right away, her years of training making her an expert when someone is hiding the truth. She suspected it was because the teen didn't trust her yet, or had no real reason to trust her. Emily had an idea to get the young girl to open up. It was a long shot, bt she figured she didn't have anything to lose.

"Can I tell you a secret?" She almost whispered it, trying to get Jackie hooked.

"Uh… sure."

She took a deep breath to settle her beating heart. This would be the first time she openly told someone else about her feelings for JJ, but she was desperate to get the teen to open up about the scars, and she knew this would certainly do it.

"You know that blonde I work with? JJ? The one who interviewed you with me?" She glanced to the side to see a nod, telling her to continue. "Well, and don't tell anyone this, but… I like her."

"Like as co-workers or…"

Emily looked straight ahead of her, eyes glued on the car in front of them. She could feel her cheeks getting red as the teen stared at her confused until she finally understood.

"Isn't that like, against some rule or something?"

"Probably." She laughed, realizing how ridiculous she was being, telling a teenager she has a crush on someone she works with in attempt to get her to talk. "But, ule or not, I like her. And I have no idea what to do."

Almost immediately, Jackie turned in her seat so her upper body was facing the older brunette, showing her interest. "Well, does she like you back?"

Emily shrugged. "I'm not sure…"

"Okay… Has she done anything to maybe hint that she does?"

The older woman bit her lip, looking as if she was thinking. "I mean… she's kissed me."

" _I knew it!_ " Jackie snapped her fingers. "She totally likes you back! I can totally tell by the way she was looking at you. Major crushing."

Emily shook her head, amazed at how interested the younger girl was in the conversation. "I thought that too, but it feels like she's been pulling away recently." This, she was sad to admit was true.

"Well, maybe she's just scared. I mean, you guys could probably lose your job over this right? Have you told her how you feel?"

THe older woman shook her head, jumping a little when Jackie screamed her name. She wasn't used to people yelling out her first name in such a teenage fashion.

"You need to tell her! Of course she's pulling away! She probably thinks you think the kiss was a mistake!"

"No way. I can't tell her I like her." She was half pretending to pay along, half telling the truth.

"Yes, you do! AS soon as we get back to the station you are telling her."

Emily sighed, acting as if she had been defeated. "Fine, I'll tell JJ I like her, _if_ you tell me the truth about what happened to your arm."

The teen's excited smile faded, turing back in her seat as she folded her arms over her chest. EMily knew she had the girl trapped. The kid was a sucker for a happy ending, especially one she didn't think she would ever get. Now it was just a matter of reading minor details and pushing just enough to get her to crack open.

"I can't." Jackie said, once again looking out the window, face cold and instant.

"Oh, come on." Emily pushed, rolling her eyes. "I told you a secret. You can tell me this."

"No, I can't."

"Why?"

"Because they will take me out of the foster system and put in a group home. One that specializes in mental illnesses."

THe teen's voice was so quiet Emily barely heard it. She honestly had no idea hwy getting this girl to pen up was such a big deal to her. Maybe it was because she could see herself in Jackie. Emily was always independent and strong by herself, never let anyone in, or she didn't want to until JJ came along. But looking at the girl next to her now, obviously scared and worried under her hard and controlled mask. She just needed someone to care and listen to her. And for whatever reason, Emily felt a unignorable pull to be that for her.

"I promise you, I will not let that happen to you."

Jackie scoffed. "Right, like I haven't heard that before." She sighed. "Honestly, I stopped when my parents died, so it's not a big deal anymore."

They took a moment and sat in silence, radio playing softly in the background. THe older brunette didn't really know what to say, but wanted to make a comment or ask a question that would allow the teen to talk about it more if she wanted to.

"When did you start?"

The teen took a second as if to assess whether it was safe to continue or not. Just when she opened her mouth to speak, Emily's phone went off, the teen clamping her mouth shut.

The older brunette refrained from sighing, pulling out her phone to answer on speaker, quickly seeing that JJ was the one calling. "Hey, Jay. We just got Jackie's stuff and we are on the way to the hotel. You're on speaker."

"Alright. Well, Hotch changed his mind and wants Morgan and Reid to stay with her at the station instead. I guess Reid will be busy looking over all the competitors anyway so Hotch wants us to get some rest."

Emily glanced over to the teen, seeing a hint of sadness in the mask that had slid back into place. "Okay. I'm guessing the boys want me to pick up their stuff?"

"That is correct. And Rossi ordered pizza, so just come back when you're done."

"Alright, will do." She expected the blonde to hang up, but the peeb from her phone never came, signaling the blonde wasn't done talking. "Is there something else?"

"Um… Well…" There was another beat of awkward silence shared. "We can talk about it later."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Just get Morgan and Reid's stuff. See you when you get here."

Emily didn't have any time to react. Within seconds the the words were out of her mouth and the line had gone silent. She could tell whatever was on the younger woman's mind wasn't work related, and obviously more private than originally thought, with the way she changed her mind. Maybe it had something to do with why she had been so distant lately.

"Is she always that… weird?" Jackie asked, looking at the older brunette in confusion.

"No."


	11. Chapter 11

**Alright, so I'm completely obsessed with Dodie Clark's song "6/10" to the point where I used it in this chapter. It's a pretty short song so I managed to get the all of the lyrics in here, in order. They are the lines that are italicized. Let me know what you think of me adding the song in? And sorry for the JJ sadness you're about to read. Blame the song! Review if you'd like!**

JJ sipped her coffee as she watched Morgan and Reid discuss the case while standing by the whiteboard. She knew she should be next to them, exchanging information, but she couldn't get her mind to focus. Instead, she sat across the room, a table in between them, an eye on the conference room door as she nursed the lukewarm liquid in her hands. Every time she saw someone walk past the door, her heart stopped, torn between wanting it to be Emily, and not wanting it to be her.

She had been fine earlier. The time away from the older brunette made her realize how much the taller woman was actually on her mind. She had decided before calling her about the adjustment in the schedule, that she was going to tell her she wanted to try. That she wanted to see where things could go between them. But, she had changed her mind at the last second, realizing that Jackie could hear everything. She hated how flaky and unsure she sounded, but she knew that Emily would check on her later anyway.

She was fine. And then she got the call.

Her phone was heavy on her hip, a sad reminder of it. No one had noticed when she stepped out of the room to answer the call. Deep down, she knew she should have let it go to voicemail, but there was a part of her that wanted to know what he had to say, wanted to know why he was calling.

She felt a shot of pain when he said her name, tears welled in her eyes as he had said a mistake, that he wanted her back. She felt like a teenager in high school talking to her first love, getting excited that he wanted to be with her again. Even after everything he had said, he still wanted to be with her because he made a mistake when he walked away from her. He wanted her. Someone wanted her.

These feelings that rose to the surface surprised her. There were no explanations for them. A few minutes ago, she didn't care that her relationship with Will had ended, she was thinking about Emily and what was going on between them. The thing with Will was in the past, over. So why did him wanting her back make her smile? Why did having him say he loved her make her heart flutter? This wasn't supposed to happen, she was over him.

Or so she thought she was.

The phone call threw her for a loop. Not only ten minutes ago had she called Emily and decided to tell her. The butterflies she got from just thought of saying those words to the brunette were new and exciting and felt _right_. What Will was causing her was confusion.

She couldn't deny the pull she felt toward him, toward the familiar. And maybe she could learn to love him the way she was starting to with Emily, the way she thought she loved him. It would be so easy with Will. The brunette was complicated, confusing. Will was easy, steady, something she had always looked for in a partner, but she didn't feel the same way she felt with Emily. Emily made her heart stop, her brain fuzzy, her arms ache to hold her. With Emily came the feelings she dreamed about. But Will was here and now, Emily was undecided territory. Maybe trying again with WIll wasn't a bad idea.

She opened her mouth to tell him, when she saw a stunning brunette climb out of an SUV. The familiar heart stopping feeling returned as she struggled to catch her breath, watching the way the older woman smiled as the sun hit her just right, making her look beautifully angelic. She stared, smiling, until Will's voice brought her back.

"JJ? You there?"

"No." Her mouth formed the word as Emily and Jackie walked through the door.

"No?"

"No. I don't think it's a good idea."

"You don't think we are a good idea?" He was struggling to keep up, shocked that she had turned him down.

"No. We aren't a good idea." Emily was no heading toward her as Jackie went off with Rossi carrying pizza boxes. "I'm sorry, but I have to go."

He laughed. "Yeah, sure. Whatever you want JJ."

Another shot of pain bolted through her from that sentence, but she didn't dare to respond. She hung up without saying goodbye and put her phone away before Emily got closer. The tears were already stinging her eyes, months of arguments and self-hatred from them starting to flood her mind. 'Whatever you want,' was what he would say during an argument when he felt like whatever she was saying didn't mean anything. It would always result in her going to the bathroom to silently cry before caving and doing whatever he wanted as a piece of her soul, dignity, and happiness slowly died. A few weeks after they broke up and he could amazingly still affect her like this even though she finally started to fight back in the end. One of the reasons he ended it was because they argumented too much because she realized she had a voice. But that line still got her every time.

Emily finally reached her, the smile that had formed on her face faded. Concern filled her eyes as JJ wiped at her own. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." She waved her off, smiling weakly. "Something in my eye. How's Jackie?"

The brunette eyed her for a second, unconvinced in the younger woman's lie, but decided to put it aside until later. "Alright… Have you seen Hotch?"

"No, why? What's up?" She swallowed, still blinking back tears.

Emily sighed, looking over to the teen girl. "I want to talk to him about fostering Jackie. Or at least getting her far away from here."

She could see a mix of sadness and anger on Emily's face, knowing that she was being serious. "Was it really that bad?"

"It was awful, Jay. Horrible. I'm going to get her out of there." The anger was slipping out underneath her words, eyes cold and hard. WHatever Emily had seen, JJ knew it troubled her.

She couldn't respond to Emily's anger. She knew she should say something, instead of standing awkwardly looking at the taller woman, but she couldn't shake the feeling Will brought down upon her. Talking about it was out of the question at the moment, so panic began to set in when she saw Emily's anger shift back to concern, her mouth opening to once again ask if she was okay. But luckily Hotch got her attention before she could.

"We'll talk later." Emily gave her arm a squeeze before following Hotch behind a door, leaving JJ to be alone with her thoughts.

She went back into the room with the boys, which is how she got in her current situation. The lights were hurting her eyes, the odd chair she was sitting in squeaked every time she shifted. Her body was stiff, trying not to hear the chair scream under her weight, even though she knew she was in perfect shame and she shouldn't be concerned about her scale number. But she couldn't help and realize the shirt she was wearing was the on Will hated. The one he said didn't fit her well enough to wear. The one that made her go through her entire wardrobe questioning everything.

The fact that these thoughts were popping up suddenly made her upset. There was no reason for them, but yet, here she was, thinking them. She could feel her self-esteem plummet and felt her worth bottom out. How one sentence could set off a chain reaction confused her.

She knew it was because the sentence reminded her of how it was with Will, which made everything float back up, but it still got to her. As much as she didn't want them to, they did. All her insecurities started coming back up one by one.

The thoughts were followed by a song that got stuck in her head in a loop as she tried to silence her mind while waiting for Emily to come back into her vision. She clung to the hope that Emily knew that something was off, her thoughts running wild.

 _I feel like a six out of ten._

 _I gotta get up early tomorrow again._

She waited for Emily, unmoving as her coffee became cold. For whatever reason, she just wanted to be _around_ the brunette. She wanted Emily to hold her and make the voices in her head shut off. Not necessarily have sex to make them stop, but just something to make them go quiet for a minute.

Eventually, Emily came back in the room, sitting down next to her with a sigh. She ran a hand through her hair, obviously frustrated with something. "Hotch said I can't take her in until I'm certified, so I'll be working on that in the future. Garcia is doing whatever she can to get Jackie in Virginia, as close as possible to Quantico, but we'll see."

JJ was listening to the older woman, but not very well. All she wanted to do was hug the brunette, a long comforting one, but she knew she couldn't risk it with everyone watching them as they passed by. She leaned back in her chair, not looking up from the table as her hand twitched, wanting to place her palm on Emily's thigh so she knew she was at least _there._ But she didn't move.

"Jay? Are you sure you're okay?" Emily placed a hand on JJ's upper arm, making her relax a little.

"I'm fine," She whispered. "I'm just tired."

The older woman knew it was a lie. "Why don't you go take a nap?" the blonde shook her head. "Okay, well do you want to talk about what's going on?"

JJ couldn't talk about it. She didn't feel like crying right now. "I'm fine."

"I know you're not, Jay." She leaned in closer to the younger woman, moving her hand to rub the blonde's upper back. "Please talk to me."

 _What goes on behind the words?_

"Emily, I told you I'm fine. I'm just tired." She was starting to get frustrated now, not at Emily, but at herself. Why couldn't she just say what was going through her mind? Why couldn't she be honest with Emily?

"Okay." the brunette swallowed, nodding slowly. "Well, let me go get you some fresh coffee…"

She watched the older woman grab her cold cup and head out the room. She let out a slow breath, feeling her hands start to tremble. She had to keep it together, she couldn't lose it here.

When Emily returned with hot coffee, she took a silent sip from it, waiting for the older woman to say something, but she just sat next to her, quietly watching the constant hustle outside the room.

 _Is there pity for the plain girl?_

At some point, Hotch stuck his head in, motioning for Emily to follow him. The older woman got up from her seat, looked down at JJ as she rubbed her upper back again, and took one step toward the door. "I'll be here if you want to talk." The blonde said nothing, didn't even move to acknowledge the woman at the door. Emily bit her lip, glancing at the younger woman again before slipping through the entrance.

JJ closed her eyes. She willed her body to move, but it was like her brain had stopped communicating with her limbs and she felt completely frozen in the chair. Her mind was racing, heart felt like it was going to pound out of her chest. She couldn't get the thoughts to stop circulating her head, going as fast as the blood being pumped into her shaking fingers.

 _Can you see the panic inside?_

 _I'm making you uneasy aren't I?_

The door opened as she was trying to get her breathing under control. She could hear Morgan and Reid talking to her and hovering over her, but she shook them off, trying to stand up. Reid was a shade of white he was so worried.

 _What goes on behind the words?_

 _Is there pity for the plain girl?_

"Go tell Hotch I'm taking her back to the hotel." Morgan's voice was deep and in control, but so far away.

Her breathing was ragged, making her dizzy, the song and her thoughts on a constant loop.

 _I'll close my mouth, I won't say a word._

 _A nod of pity for the plain girl._

She could feel tears slide down her face as Morgan led her outside and to the car. Her hands hand stopped shaking and her heart felt like it was back to normal, but she could feel Morgan glancing at her as he drove.

"I'm fine." Her voice was quiet, strained.

"JJ, you just had a massive panic attack. What happened?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired."

"JJ-"

She held up her hand, getting him to stop. "I'm fine, I just need sleep."

 _I know that you don't want me here._

 _I know that you don't want me here._

Morgan sighed, his frustration easy to see. Tears welled up in her eyes again, knowing she was causing him to feel this way. She could tell she was making a mistake by not telling him, but she couldn't say what her thoughts couldn't form.

 _Oh, I'll just call a taxi, I gotta be up early tomorrow again._

 _Oh, I'll just call a taxi, I gotta be up early tomorrow again._

She should have just driven herself to the hotel. She was keeping Morgan away from the case, and from the bits she heard while panicking, a suspect was coming in to be questioned. How could she be so selfish to make Morgan drive her? Or, she should have at least told him no.

She wiped at her eyes. She just needed some sleep. She'd get up early tomorrow and feel refreshed. But that means she would have to sleep in the same room as Emily again. That was what she wanted though, right?

She was so confused, she had no idea what she wanted anymore. The song continued to play as Will's voice boomed in her head. The scar on her back started to burn like it does when she feels overwhelmed. Tears began to flow again as her heart ached for Emily to be here right now, and she didn't even know why.

 _What goes on behind the words?_

 _Is there pity for the plain girl?_

She felt stupid. Plain girls don't get amazing ones like Emily. She should just try to get over her. Stop before anything even starts. Or, was it too late for that?

More tears slid down her face as they pulled up to the hotel. She unbuckled her seatbelt, sniffling. "You don't need to walk me in." She said it before he could even turn the car off.

 _I'll close my mouth, I won't say a word._

"I'm serious Morgan, I can make it to my room on my own. Just…" She had her hand on the door handle, ready to bolt. "Tell Emily that Will called."

She held in her sob as she pushed the door open, shut it before he could say anything, and walked across the parking lot. She didn't need to turn back to see the confusion on his face as he put the car back in drive. She focused on putting one foot in front of the other as she reached the elevator.

Her hand wasn't even hers anymore when she pushed the button for her floor. Her feet weren't hers either as they led her to her room. She got in using the room key she seemed to pull out of thin air and stumbled out of her boots. The jacket came off and onto the floor as her sobs were released. Seh crashed onto Emily's bed, crying loudly as her thoughts overtook her.

Thoughts about stupid irrelevant things that didn't even normally bother her. But because she could hear them in Will's voice, they all added up to her not being good enough, to her being a six out of ten, exactly how he made her feel.

She cried while her phone rang and she ignored Emily's ringtone, knowing that if she didn't pick up, Emily would come for her. She had to come for her. She needed Emily to come for her.

 _A nod of pity for the plain girl_.


	12. Chapter 12--a small update

Hello fellow readers,

I am come to apologize for the total lapse of updates. I have everything handwritten out (I'm better at handwriting ideas down than I am at typing them on the computer), but I have not yet transferred it to the computer. I'm not quite sure why I haven't, something just inside is stopping me. I do hope to get back into the writing, to continue this story and give it the proper ending it deserves.

But for now, I think it is best to let it be for a while longer. I am truly sorry.


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